Wednesday, November 15, 2017

repuTAYtion

On Friday, November 10th in the year of our Lord 2017, Taylor Alison Swift released her 6th studio album, available only at Target.

She promoted said album on Saturday Night Live the next day. I came for Taylor (and Kate McKinnon) but stayed for Tiffany Haddish (and Taylor).

At first I was going to rank the songs on this album and defend my favorites but then I realized that what we're not going to do is put Taylor against Taylor. And here's another thing I'm not going to do...get made fun of or belittled for "fangirling" over one of my favorite artists. Someone whose lyrics have helped me through hard times and someone who has used words and sounds to make sense of emotions I didn't even realize I was feeling. I've seen grown men punch walls when their favorite player doesn't catch a sportsball, teenage boys idolize musicians who beat up women and I think we were all guilty of blindly following Tiger Woods for awhile.

So let's remember my personal mantra "eyebrows over everything." Wait...wrong mantra. I meant "good for you, not for me." If you don't like Taylor, that's fine. Don't read this post. Re-read last week's. Or read this one because you appreciate her talent even if it's not your style. But no matter what, click ads!

This post isn't me theorizing. So she trusts Joe like a brother, well I trust her like a mother and mother knows best. If Taylor doesn't want us to know what the songs are actually about then we don't need to know what they're about. So in this blog post, there will be no speculation. There will just be reputation. (And my thoughts and opinions, as usual.)

 
A wall in my new apartment, decorated with some of our favorite Taylor Swift lyrics.

1. ...Ready for It? 
Honestly I don't think we were ready for it but we NEEDED it. Just yesterday my students asked me who my favorite rapper was and I said Taylor Swift. And also Ed Sheeran. And I guess Future. 

2. End Game
I LOVE RAPPING ED. So much gold symbolism on this album. What does it symbolize? I don't know...Joe is a beard and Taylor is secretly dating King Midas? I don't care. If she's happy, I'm happy. And if she needs a kidney, I have 2. 

3. I Did Something Bad
LIGHT. ME. UP. What I don't get is "I'd do it over and over and over again if I could" because like...you totally can. Give the universe a never-ending cycle of love albums and break up albums. Date every man in the world and break his heart I don't care they deserve it I'm not bitter. 

4. Don't Blame Me
My. Favorite. Love makes her crazy? Same. Her drug is her baby? My drug is Netflix. Using for the rest of her life? Me too! Or until my aunt cancels her account. 

5. Delicate
This song is classic Taylor being relatable by worrying if it's all happening too soon. For her what’s delicate is a new relationship and for me it’s the balance between a guy liking me and me fatal attractioning him to the point of no return, but I can relate to it nonetheless. 

6. Look What You Made Me Do
I would like to officially welcome Taylor Swift to Slytherin. Santa's got a list. Arya's got a list. Now Taylor's got a list too. Obviously, lists are in. I might even write a to do list for tomorrow and you know what would be #1? Listen to reputation again. 

7. So It Goes...
Can I just say that being "yours to keep" is so thrilling but simultaneously being "yours to lose" is so terrifying and the juxtaposition of the two...not that I'm counting or anything. 

8. Gorgeous
I hate cool people too! And I totally understand the fear that an attractive guy will be single because that makes him actually attainable (to Taylor, not me) and that means that rejection is a possibility and is there anything more horrifying than that? No. 

9. Getaway Car
Taylor said that all the fan theories about the source of these songs would be incorrect so I'm going to throw something out there...Getaway Car is an anthem urging driving rights for Saudi women. It was worth a shotgun shot in the heart.

10. King of My Heart
All of my dates drink out of plastic cups but still don't fancy me. Maybe I'm doing it wrong? Why can't I find a king for my heart? Can't even find a pawn.

11. Dancing with Our Hands Tied
I too have a bad feeling about every relationship I enter. And I'm always right. I generally recommend dancing with hands untied as it allows for more overall motion but hey, you do you girl.
 
12. Dress
Finally someone else appreciates bathtubs. Wake up America, you can't read books in the shower. I would love a remix with a Tiffany Haddish verse about the dress she wore on SNL and to all those other places.

13. This is Why We Can't Have Nice Things
Very Lorde-esque, and I mean that as a compliment. To Lorde. Also, I too would like to give a shout out to my mama for having to listen to all my drama.

14. Call It What You Want
Thorns are way more practical than flowers so I think Taylor upgraded. And I don't like not hearing from her for months but she's so happy guys. And that makes me happy. And this song also makes me happy. So we're all happy. Okay mainly just me and Taylor but y'all should be happy for us too.

15. New Year's Day
No way am I going to trick someone into liking me by New Year's. Dating for me is a long con. And the idea that someone would love you enough to hang around for the morning after the party? Sounds fake but okay.

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