Hey all you cool cats and kittens.
I hadn't planned on blogging about it. But I just had too many thoughts to share and who knows when I will see my therapist next so I'm putting them out there, stream of consciousness style. Please feel free to DM me or comment, I welcome any and all Tiger King discussion.
- Okay this man is like if Beetlejuice was more meth and slightly less death.
- Carole Baskin...of Baskin-Robbins fame?
- Is this a cult?
- I clearly underestimated the amount of body piercings I would be exposed to in this series.
- I think we should pause and let the people with the missing limbs speak. I really want to hear from them.
- Why...why are we shooting water?
- I find the concept of a private zoo very disturbing to begin with. Is that just me?
- Did Joe Exotic invent cyberbullying?
- Seriously what is the obsession with shooting water? What does that prove?
- Are they about to introduce a new Syfy original, Tigernado?
- Is he Joe Exotic or Jeffrey Dahmer? Apparently he wants to create love zombies out of his 19-year-old boy toys by keeping them high. Is no one concerned about that?
- This guy? Has 3 wives? This man? That one? Right there?
- Okay this is 100% a cult.
- What percentage of John Finlay's tattoos have spelling errors? I would say 60% as a conservative estimate.
- Honestly the single most disturbing thing in this whole series so far is that some middle aged white man refers to himself as Bhagavan.
- I'm so glad I never went to his place in Myrtle Beach. I went to Alligator Adventure like a civilized tourist.
- So obviously a good bit of this series exemplifies what happens when you choose meth over teeth but we're also seeing people choosing tigers over their own limbs. So. That's nice.
- Poor Saff. Obviously Joe doesn't have a great worker's comp situation.
- But he does have an EMS jacket. I'll give him that.
- I'm not gonna lie I like Mario I think he keeps it real.
- Do we think Doc sent those toddler tigers to live on a nice farm upstate?
- Does TIGERS stand for This Idiot Gets Everyone Renamed & Stuck?
- Alright all these men are coming for Carole but I feel pretty certain that they have all killed people.
- The ex-wife and adult children hate the woman Don cheated with? Do they think that proves anything? Because it doesn't.
- It physically hurts me that Don's first wife thinks that her calling Carole "an angel from hell" is SO clever. Like she is so proud of herself y'all. I can't.
- Okay so this man just disappeared. And everyone is like it's gotta be Carole, who else would kill him? And we know that he walked around with a 500 dollar bill at all times? There's your motive. I got student loans. I'll kill him.
- Though I miss him dearly I am glad that Steve Irwin isn't alive to see this crap.
- Carole is a babe and y'all are just player haters.
- Alright why are we victim blaming Carole? His ex-wife is like she wanted to be the only woman in his life...umm...what wife doesn't? They're literally like "Carole was crazy she didn't want Don to cheat."
- I bet that boy Don is just chillin in Costa Rica. We know South America has no problem hiding Nazis so is it really that much of a stretch of the imagination to think some sketchy American businessman would fake his own disappearance and escape to Central America?
- I just want to say that I would bet money that every animal pimp in this whole show currently owns or has owned a water bed.
- This is like an episode of Law & Order: SVU. I didn't realize animals were also smuggled just to get drugs in. Maybe that's what happened with Canadian geese. They fed them heroin balloons and they all burst during transport and that's why they're all FREAKING INSANE.
- We know he has the means to just disappear. Did he "Gone Girl" her?! And just do a really bad job?
- "My music is an escape from reality." ...Joe your whole life is an escape from reality.
- This man Kanyed my girl Carole. That's messed up. Catchy. But messed up.
- Okay I can finally put this into words. Howard Baskin looks like if Prince Charles and Ben Stein (the clear eyes guy) had a baby.
- The infant tiger cubs are crying so loudly that you can't sleep? It's almost like you shouldn't rip them from their mothers immediately after they're born. Imagine that.
- So Joe Exotic...literally...went to Walmart...and got a campaign manager?
- Oh bless his heart. The fact that he thought he had a chance shows the level of insanity that we are dealing with here.
- Maybe Joe is just the world's worst case of cat scratch fever? I mean he lives in a litter box. Toxoplasmosis at least?
- So Joe's campaign messages are "less laws, more lions" and "no animal rights"?
- I will give him the award for most F bombs in a campaign.
- "Everyone we got him in front of, he had their vote." ...okay now this is a folie a deux. It's a shared delusion. Y'all are both insane.
- METH MOUTH. Those editors did that man dirty. We all been thinking it since episode 1, y'all ain't have to do him like that.
- "Why does an innocent guy buy a burner phone?" ...trick question. He doesn't.
- "Everyone wants to be the biggest but no one focuses on being the nicest." ...clearly.
- I am really concerned by the high degree of shock in Doc Antle's voice when he talks about how dumb Joe Exotic was in thinking a hitman would cost $3,000. Like was this the first time he thought "Joe's kinda dumb"?
- Oh. My. Word. This man is one thousand percent going to sexually harass the nanny. His wife is 8 months pregnant and all Jeff Lowe can say is that he can't wait for his wife to get to the gym and the nanny to arrive? Carole...you know what to do.
- This action sequence of human silly putty James Garretson riding a jet ski is amazing. That's the content I subscribe to.
- "Nobody wins" ...um, AMERICA wins.
- Well the good news is John Finlay will once again be open for business.
- Okay John has a tattoo that says "Boy's" and I PROMISE that apostrophe is grammatically incorrect.
- We need a crossover episode with America's Worst Tattoos. He just like photoshopped a bull on top of it. That's not a cover up it's just a new problem.
- I have to say. Dumbest person in this whole series. Joe's campaign manager Joshua Dial.
- They're already talking about a possible Broadway adaptation so someone needs to get Bob Mackie on the horn.
- Now we just need a series to put Doc Antle and Jeff Lowe in jail.
My hot take is that Doc Antle is the worst person presented. It's like Joe is Voldemort but Doc is Umbridge. The thing about Doc Antle and Joe Exotic and Jeff Lowe is that they're not just preying on animals. They're also preying on people. I don't think Carole killed her husband but I also don't care if she did. He was kind of a jackass.*
*jackass is one of 2 Missy-approved curse words
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