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Well, well, well. Here we are again. Blogging live from Break Up Town, USA. Party of 1. Me.

I won't share the whole saga because A) who cares and B) it's same old same old - but I do have some questions, most of which are why me? There are areas of my life where I have been very lucky. For instance, I don't have an outie belly button, so things could certainly be worse. But when it comes to guys, I have had the WORST LUCK. I know some of you are thinking that being dumped doesn't mean you have bad luck. It happens, that's life, move on and have I not considered that I might be the problem? Trust me, I have. And while it's true that I have been described as "a bit much" and "one of a kind" and "completely deranged"- there are way bigger train wrecks than me that don't seem to have this problem.

One theory is that God is developing my character for this grand stage production we call life. But I think the part of a strange woman repeatedly scorned by men is already spoken for by one Miss Aileen Wuornos. 

And also...is my character not developed enough already? They say what doesn't kill you makes you stronger so y'all really better watch out 'cause I'm 'bout to be invincible. I have grown VERY comfortable with rejection in my old age. Now that I'm in my late 30s (or at least it feels like I am), I am liable to walk right up to the most incredible guy you can think of...like Zachary Levi...and lose my nerve and fake a phone call so I can walk away and continue to remain unnoticed. 

But I try to believe that I will have a happy ending someday. Is it too much to ask that I receive dozens of handwritten letters that detail miserable lives filled with regret and sadness from all of my former flings? And is it petty to hope that parts of those letters are illegible due to numerous tear stains that dot the pages? A girl's gotta have dreams.

Of course dating apps could also be part of the problem, but what am I supposed to do? Meet people in real life like I'm freakin' Julia Roberts in a 90s romcom? The last guy that hit on me IRL was homeless and even he was offering a common law situation at best. 

So I'm open to trying new apps but I learned the hard way that Seeking Arrangements is NOT a site for people who just want to cut the crap and get an arranged marriage. My grandmother has gotten really into Craigslist but I can't imagine how her listing for me would read. "My granddaughter needs a man with a job, doesn't matter what the job is. Must attend church, pastoral recommendation letter preferred. She's a bit mouthy, but hasn't committed any crimes as far as I know. Duke fans need not apply."

No matter what happens, in my next relationship I am going to take things slower. More slowly? I'm not sure which is correct but I DO know the difference between your and you're so there is that. With the next guy, I will not let him borrow ANY Tupperware until the 10th date. Because this last man...threw. away. my. Pyrex. A nice 9x13 WITH A LID! Who does that? What a psychopath.