What I've Learned in College (Hint: It Wasn't in Class)

In honor of the collegiate school year coming to a close, I am dedicating this week to what I have learned in my first two years of college.
The following is a list of things that, since college, I have learned are really annoying. If you are offended by any of these, let me just say I don't apologize. You're annoying. Stop it.
NOTE: My opinions are always unsolicited and should never be taken seriously.

Fraternities and Sororities
-The curious thing about Greek life is I can't decide which group I hate more. I loathe the entire idea of hazing and the wardrobes and attitudes of frat guys. But I also particularly abhor Lilly Pulitzer, Jack Rogers, and compulsive monogramming. So it's a tie.

People Talking During Class
-Believe it or not, I come to class to listen to what the professor has to say, not what you have to say. The only time I ever spoke in my Public Relations class was to tell the 2 girls in front of me to shut up. How's that for PR?

People Standing in the Middle of Sidewalks
-They're called sideWALKS not sidestands. There are lovely patches of grass, benches, restaurants and dorm rooms where you can catch up with people. Please note sidewalks are generally used by people who are walking because they have somewhere to be, not because they are wandering around looking for people to talk to.

Slow Walkers
-2 words. The worst. I'm really happy that you have the time to take a leisurely stroll, but most of us have somewhere to be.

People Stopping in Doorways
-May I just ask, how exactly do you expect people to get through the doorway while you are standing in it? If you can get into college you should be able to understand this concept. So either you're an idiot for not getting it or a jerk for not caring. Which is it?

People Sitting in Your Seat
-Most people have a seat, or a general section of the room, that they sit in everyday. Unfortunately, if one person sits in someone else's seat, it can ruin that class period for many others. If I sit here, every day, why would you want to mess that up? Why are you so rude? You can't sit with us!

People Saving Seats in Class
-That being said, it is ok to have a specific seat. It is not okay to save a seat for your friend. This is college, not kindergarten. In most classes you can't even talk to one another anyway. Please put on your big girl panties before you come to class and learn how to sit on your own. 

People Who Stand at the Bottom or Tops of Escalators
-Like many other things on this list, standing at the bottom or top of an escalator should be an obvious faux pas. If you stand at the bottom or top of an escalator you are obviously not smart enough to use an escalator, so why are you even near one?

People Who Get to Class Early and Sit at the Ends of Rows
-Do you want people to have to push past you every few seconds for the next ten minutes? If you get to class before everyone else, sit somewhere where you're not going to be in everyone's way. It's called a win-win.

Wannabe Hipsters
-Hipsters are totally cool, if and only if that's who you really are. Pretending to be a hipster because you think it's a good look makes me wanna barf all over your plaid scarf and burlap Toms.

People Who Participate in Class
-I still don't understand why some college students feel the need to speak up in every single class session. We get it. You think you're really smart. You want to sound like you know everything. Whatever. One thing you don't know is that the professor finds you just as annoying as the rest of us do.

People Who Do the Assigned Reading
-Now for the most part, there are two types of people. People who don't do the reading and liars. But in some rare cases, there are students who do all of the reading for a class. And they need to know that everyone hates them. You may make the rest of us look bad, but you make yourself look worse.

Bicyclists
-Again, two types of people in the world. Pedestrians and drivers. The only thing they have in common? A hatred of cyclists. Cyclists are the one transportation subgroup that somehow manages to get in everyone's way.