SPRING BREAK NO RULEZ

This week is "Ballin on a Budget Spring Break 2k14 No Ragrets" so it's fitting that the blog post this week is all of the best things that have happened on this trip so far. All of my friends are hilarious and we all fancy ourselves much funnier than we actually are (it's called Kathy Griffin syndrome). I feel like it is important that I introduce the cast of characters in this blog post first in order for everyone to appreciate the full extent of our awesomeness.

Chris - 80 inches of pure awkward who turns into "Mr. Steal Yo Phone" every night.

Kaitlin - Hurricane Kaitlin leaves a path of destruction in her wake. Hide yo food. Hide yo breakables.

Miller - AKA Jimmy Nipstron. Historian by day, Drake by night.

Austyn - Mrs. Jimmy Nipstron.

Caroline - Austyn's twin sister, my spirit animal, all around awesome.
Gavin - Knows no boundaries. Wonders how turtles mate.

Carol - Best friend. Interests include turtle care, chacos and the beach.

Taylor - Best friend. Interests include glitter, cheese and cheese again.

Andrew - Lactation expert. Don't ask.

Nate - My favorite person, he proposed to me, I said yes.

Elisabeth - Evil takes human form in Elisabeth Jones. Diva, first team, All-American. Fabulous.

John - An all around angry elf. A puzzle wrapped in an enigma.

Me - I bring out the worst in everyone. You're welcome.


"Someone needs to move all the valuables in the living room because Hurricane Kaitlin is coming Wednesday."
-Austyn

"Nate, if you pinch me one more time, I will murder your family."
-John

"Hashtag God's plan, hashtag blessed."
-Me

"Hashtag look at God."
-Caroline

"Oh my gosh! Satan, is that you? Are you on Spring Break with us?"
-Austyn to Elisabeth

"Oh, his family is done."
-John

"I'm related to Thomas Jefferson, just like every other black person."
-Elisabeth

"Can we get 3 pizzas, I want leftovers because I'm going to eat pizza for the next 5 days."
"We're not even going to be here for 5 more days."
"I know."
-Caroline, Me, Caroline

"What actor would play me in a movie? Dwayne The Rock Johnson."
-Elisabeth

"Austyn rode shotgun even though I called Rosa Parks."
"I called NAACP."
-Austyn, Elisabeth

"Oh my gosh! Doris Burke is that you?"
"That might be the meanest thing you've ever said to me."
-Me, Miller

"You're cold because girl's have poor circulation because they don't have hearts."
-Miller

"Wear pants for what?"
-Me

"This might be racist, but..."
-Elisabeth

"Miller, if you name your daughter Penny you need to know that the highest career aspirations you can have for her is to be a member of a Pussycat Dolls tribute band."
-Me