Today's post is a look at the innermost workings of my mind. Below are my hopes and dreams for this world. Everything that I want to happen so that I can be proud to someday share this planet with my children and grandchildren, or more likely, an impressive collection of Beanie Babies since I don't care for pets.
- Ann Coulter will have her own channel kind of like OWN. All programming will be 100% focused on her fabulousness. She will have several political shows of course as well as talk shows and entertainment news programs.
- Big Rich Texas will return in all its reality show glory.
- Helena Bonham Carter and Tim Burton will get back together and become my godparents.
- David Sedaris, Khaled Hosseini and John Green will release new books every single month.
- There will be a sequel to Bride Wars. Honestly the lack of a second movie for the past 6 years is infuriating. The film ended in the perfect position for a part 2. I look forward to seeing all of you at the Baby Wars premiere.
- Someone will teach me how to contour my face.
- There will be HUGE developments in the science behind fingernail polish. Major breakthroughs. Don't sleep on it.
- I will not rest until Brendan has a decent Twitter handle. I will leave no stone unturned and no hashtag unread.
- There will be a simple way to see if someone follows you on Instagram without searching through all of your followers.
- Raccoons will be domesticated and will make loving pets.
- There will be a television series based on The Baby-Sitters Club where each book is turned into a 30 minute episode. Completely different from the attempted show in 1990.
- Tinder will add a search option where you can look for the specific profiles of specific people you know before you match.
- Every restaurant will have a drive through option and every store will have self-checkout. Because honestly mankind is trending toward the complete obsolescence of human interaction.
- Selfie shame will be eradicated and selfie stick sales will skyrocket.
- In the near future, a feature film will be made about the U.S. Women's National Soccer Team. I'm not talking about Dare to Dream, another film. It is very important to me that Sandra Bullock play Mia Hamm, and it has been for as long as I can remember.
- ABBA will get back together and tour continuously.
- Friends will pick up where it left off and continue, uninterrupted, forever.
- Harry Potter fans the world over will recognize Severus Snape for his devotion and loyalty.
- The Oxford comma will be vanquished forever.
- There will be newspaper full of trivia, crosswords, word jumbles, sudokus and no actual news.
- There will be no need for private social media accounts.
- All DVDs will be manufactured so that you can insert them into your
computer's CD drive and import the soundtrack to your iTunes library.
- In the same vein as Prince of Egypt and Joseph King of Dreams, DreamWorks will release movies about all the other great Bible stories and accompanying soundtracks.
- Pluto's planethood will be returned. The time for planet equality is now. Or 2006 I guess.
- Bojangles' will bring back the southern chicken biscuit. The cajun chicken is just a little too spicy for me and I don't know this is a small thing but it would just really improve my quality of life I think.
- There will be a musical of my life with Lea Michele starring as myself. This is utterly non-negotiable.
- Laughing at your own jokes will be socially acceptable, encouraged even.
- Dunkaroos will come back full force and be sold in Walmarts across the globe.
- Songs on iTunes will go back to being $0.99.
- Ants will be extinct with no repercussions to the animal food chain and we will develop a new food source for anteaters. Like chihuahuas.
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