Food MythBusters

This week I'm pretending to be a MythBuster without the sweet 'stache. I'm tackling myths about food because as a newly minted adult-in-training (who still gets given a kid's menu at restaurants) I am just starting to realize that there is a ton of misleading information out there.


Homemade Food
If food is homemade there are no calories and no fat. It's science. There are chemical reactions and stoichiometry and the mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell. You can't possibly be expected to quantify the nutritional facts so they simply don't exist. You're welcome.

Veggie Straws
You really need to sit down for this one because it is that shocking. Veggie straws are not the nutritional equivalent of vegetables.The bear no immediate relation to garden greens, carrots, or whatever else they parade around as. I had been eating veggie straws for the better half of a month before I realized that the dietary benefits included zilch and nada. My mother asked if I was going to eat any vegetables with dinner and after LOLing I pointed to my veggie straws and she gave me one of those "bless her heart" looks. Now I'm back on a strict crunchy Cheetos regimen.

Almonds
Growing up I hated almonds and that was a bummer because they're supposed to be somewhat healthy for you. I did idealize it to a degree, looking at kids snacking on Hershey's with almonds as strong-willed saints while glaring at my own peanut M&Ms with disdain. Fortunately, I grew to appreciate almonds. Unfortunately, by the time I actually liked almonds the research ruined them for me again. Apparently once you eat more than some absurdly small portion, like half an almond a day, they lose all nutritional value start doing more harm than good.

Protein
Here's a fun fact most people don't know...if you put peanut butter on literally anything it becomes a protein bar. Granola bar with peanut butter on top? Granola protein bar. Brownie with peanut butter on top? Brownie protein bar. The important thing to remember here is that animal crackers does not equal animal protein.

Green
They always tell you to eat green foods because they're supposed to be healthy. But it turns out there are actually several green foods that are not only not good for you, they're actually kind of bad for you. Green M&Ms. Green Skittles. Any green sour candies. You pretty much wanna stay away from artificial coloring. Bread that has turned green. Not ideal.

Apples
That saying "an apple a day keeps the doctor away" is totally false. Not having health insurance keeps the doctor away. Luckily, that will get fixed soon, and I must say that the veracity with which my parents fought each other to be my life insurance beneficiary was more than a little alarming. I want that fact embedded in the interweb in case of any suspicious happenings.