I am in the middle of my Taylor Year and honestly I don't think I'm doing it justice. I currently have no disgruntled ex-boyfriends, no friends who are models, no cute pajamas and no cats. What I do have is ex-boyfriends who forgot I exist, friends who are model citizens, at least one pair of pajamas with only 1 major tear and 2 pairs of cat socks. Not to mention the knowledge that of Taylor's cats, I am more like Olivia. Take the Buzzfeed quiz for yourselves, I can only hope that the results will be as life-changing for you as they were for me.
My point is, there are some big milestone birthdays that everyone recognizes as special. When you turn 13 you're no longer a teenager, when you turn 16 you can drive. The year you turn 18 you become an adult and on the day you turn 21 it's only 4 more years until you can rent a car. But eventually, our birthdays stop becoming special and instead of being excited for 22, people celebrate the 2nd anniversary of their 21st. Then 22 became the official Taylor Year, 23 became the Jordan Year and we can now wait until the ripe old age of 24 to stop getting excited about our birthdays.
What if almost every birthday became special in some way? Like how there's a theme for almost every wedding anniversary, except this is enjoyable for old maids like myself as well. Here are my thoughts...
7 - Beckham Year
Spend year 7 playing football and getting tatted. For some unknown reason you will spend most of this year listening to the Spice Girls. Possible side effects include walking around in your underwear because you think you're an Armani model.
10 - Carli Year
This year is like having a 365-day supply of felix felicis. All you do is win. Everything you touch turns to hat trick. You buy one soda out of a vending machine and get 3. 1 guy asks you out and 2 more follow suit. Welcome to paradise.
12 - Brady Year
Whenever the other kids ask you to play you deflate all of the sports balls and deny any wrongdoing.
21 - Adele Year
You spend this year with a beehive bouffant and talking in a British accent. Unfortunately, during your Adele Year you cannot come into contact with rain or you will involuntarily set fire to it.
22 - Taylor Year
Collect cats and boyfriends. Form your #SQUAD. You begin to transition into a sleeker, more adult style while remaining a kid at heart. Don't be afraid of bangs, you will rock them.
23 - Jordan Year
What does one even do during their Jordan Year? You'll wear a lot of rings and a lot of Nike. Maybe dabble in baseball.
24 - Kobe Year
For your 24th year, anytime someone asks you to hand them something you ignore them. For added effect, pretend that no one else exists ever.
26 - Roosevelt Year Pt. 1
At 26 you will basically be Ron Swanson with a dash on conservation. Horseback will become your preferred method of transportation and you may develop an unexplained penchant for carrying a big stick around.
30 - Tina Year
During your 30 Rock Year, the world is your stage. Tea length dresses and quirky glasses abound. Get ready for a lot of Mean Girls quotes, but isn't that every year?
32 - Roosevelt Year Pt. 2
In your FDR Year you will become unable to say no to anything referred to by an organizational anagram. If someone asks you to donate to the ASPCA, GOP, UNC whatever, you just can't say no. You will also develop an odd obsession with radios.
33 - Bird Year
33 is the year of the short shorts. You like the average suburban father, but play basketball like one of the greats. You also get irrationally angry at any mention of magic.
43 - Polamalu Year
The only thing special about this year is that you have fabulous hair with remarkable strength, curl and growth, but isn't that enough?
44 - Beyonce Year
4 is Queen Bey's favorite number, so your 44th year will be #FLAWLESS. You suddenly wear a lot of sequin bodysuits and every picture taken of you looks even better than the last. An interesting thing about this year, anytime you are with 2 other individuals, you will become the only person visible to the rest of the world. Hmm.
59 - Kuechly Year
First of all, you will be insanely attractive at 59, some would even say...mighty fine. Additionally, you're so cute.
99 - Jay Z Year
Unfortunately, the Jay Z Year is riddled with problems, 99 to be exact. But come on, you're 99 years old, what did you expect? The good news is, you will never have women trouble.
100 - Benjamin Year
It's all about the Benjamin Year baby. Once you reach 100, what can't you do? Work as an inventor, writer, scientist, politician, diplomat or ophthalmologist take your pick and pick your wig.
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