Brain Vomit

Literally just a list of thoughts and ideas I decided that the universe needed to hear.

• Once, a student came up to me and said "Ms. Daniel I took your advice" and I have never been more afraid in my life.

• Last week after I got dressed I thought to myself "this is totally an outfit my mom would wear". And then I wore it anyway.

•  You cannot convince me that "Work" by Rihanna has any lyrics.

• I recently saw one of those face wash commercials with some young up-and-comer, only this time I didn't recognize the young up-and-comer and that's when I knew I was officially old.

• Sometimes I wonder if my commitment to naming all of my future children after my favorite Degrassi characters is why I'm still single. 

• I'm going to pose the kittens in a series of ridiculous settings and make a photo album called Mein Kat.

• You know why they don't make playgrounds for adults? Because ALL playgrounds are for adults! Don't believe me? We can discuss it over the monkey bars.

• Growing up does mean getting to do more of the things you want to do, but a nasty side effect is also having to do more of the things you don't want to do.

• If I have a dry sense of humor because I deliver punch lines with a straight face...what is a wet sense of humor? Someone who laughs at their own jokes? Because I do that too.

• After years of online shopping I was convinced I could never memorize my debit card number. Until one fateful day when I had to order a pizza while my wallet was in my car outside. I guess I just needed higher stakes.

• Realistically, how many years out are we from drive-through grocery stores?

• To anyone reading this who wishes to give me a birthday present, my Amazon wishlist is public and called Give It To Me I'm Worth It. Make sure to benefit Carolina For the Kids Foundation through Amazon Smile. I am more than fine with used paperbacks and I accept birthday gifts year round. See also: PizzaHut.com.

• My new plan is to find a guy named Rich and marry him so at least I can tell people I achieved my goal.

• I think that given different timing and circumstances, Shonda Rhimes could have been a dictator and Joseph Stalin could have been the showrunner we love to hate. They have similar M.O.s of destroying everything you love to ensure your life is filled only with sadness.

• I once read that eating peanut butter can help prevent cancer. Now correct me if I'm wrong...but doesn't that mean Reese's cure cancer? I hate to say I told you so.

• Back in 2012 during the Stop Kony movement I saw a girl walking around Chapel Hill tearing Stop Kony flyers down. 4 years later I still think about that and wonder what her story is. I figure she's either very pro-child soldiers or very anti-paper waste.

• After much deliberation, I have decided that I want to walk down the aisle at my wedding to "Bad Girls" by M.I.A.

• It's beginning to alarm me how often I cut out a chunk of my hair because there's queso stuck in it. It's also alarming that I am only now being alarmed by this as it's been happening for ages.

• I have 2 female roommates. We have 3 male pets. With no father figure I often fear they will turn to a life of crime.

• I'm not so much putting off marriage as I am waiting to have kids until my mom retires cause you better believe I am farming that out.

• How is there enough subject matter for 4 seasons of I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant? This show first aired 7 years ago but the premise still haunts by dreams. 

• We always tell kids that colleges and employers are going to scan their social media accounts for drugs and alcohol. Maybe we should also tell them that they're checking for proper grammar and punctuation.

• Sometimes I wonder if I'm throwing away potential profits by keeping this free blog going instead of storing my thoughts for my inevitable book deal.

• Then I look at my pageviews and get a reality check. Not as good as a money check.