The Ceiling is Most Definitely NOT the Roof

This is my best friend Brendan. 

You might recognize him from the charming yet disturbing cutout of his face I made to take to events he cannot attend with me on account of him (rather selfishly) living in the brutal tundra of Boston.



He came home (to Chapel Hill) this weekend and varying amounts of hilarity ensued. Let's start at the beginning.

 

He didn't text me back for a full 12 hours because he loves me so much. Even though we've been friends for 2 years he's still playing hard to get. Of course, we could have been friends much sooner...

This picture was taken at the beginning of our sophomore year of college. At this point in his collegiate career Brendan was known only as Batman snapback guy. See if you can spot him in this picture!

Fast forward 2 weeks and we're joined by Evan, Chelsea and Shakeia after some slight directional issues and questionable guest behavior.

 

Before the game we  got to celebrate the engagement of our friends Logan and Ellie! I'm so happy for them because I know that even if Ellie goes blind she will always be able to recognize Logan since she has been practicing touching his face against his will for months. This is how happy Logan and I are that Ellie said yes!

Later that night we were standing for hours (having DM flashbacks) watching the UNC-dook game with hundreds of our closest friends and 1 or 2 former classmates that we avoided like the plague. Actually, Brendan avoids everyone like the plague because he's an introvert who hates almost all human interaction. I even found out during this visit that when we first met he hated me. You know, shocking as it may seem, I'm actually hearing that more and more lately. Apparently my energy and aggressive friendliness is "off-putting" even though it totally worked for Ted Bundy.

While we're watching the game at one of our favorite college hangouts, a handful of dook fans walk in. I'm not sure why dook fans would choose to watch the game in Chapel Hill but actually I am because I would much rather be in Chapel Hill too. Unfortunately for them, they A) go to dook and B) were sighted by Chelsea. By the time I forced my way through the Halloween-level crowd to get to her she was asking all the guys wearing dook shirts what part of New Jersey they were from. When they said they weren't from New Jersey she asked where they were from. One guy made the mistake of saying Pittsburgh and Chelsea (whose family is also from Pittsburgh) yelled "Northerner!" at him.

Mere minutes after I got her to stop harassing those poor Jersey boys she found a new victim, a guy wearing a Durham Bulls hat that closely resembled Satan's blue. I tried to help him, I really did, but this guy should have considered his wardrobe choices more carefully. Wearing anything vaguely darker than royal blue in Chapel Hill is social suicide.

For a brief moment when Chelsea wasn't busy yelling obscenities at Durham residents we actually made a new friend in the bathroom. She was a fellow Slytherin and as we bonded over Harry Potter tattoos I discovered that I could use the Dyson airblade as a wind machine to practice for my inevitable modeling career, much to the delight of the 2 women waiting in line.

After what felt like an eternity (in my feet and everyone else's heart) UNC won the sportsball game and we ran all the way to Franklin Street. Luckily for me Franklin Street (and Yopo) was only about 20 feet away.

 

There was a fire, a couch, a drink thrown, a drone camera and zero room for personal space.

It was (the southern part of) heaven.