Mercury is in Gatorade

By this point, hopefully everyone is aware that Mercury is in retrograde, or as Emily and I say, Gatorade. And if you're like me and only trust the real sciences like astrology and cosmetology, then you know when Mercury is in retrograde it leads to communication issues, travel problems and I'm really hoping misleading financial records otherwise my Christmas spending is even more out of control than I thought.

Here's a list of all the problems in my life that Mercury's trajectory is causing or being blamed for.

• I went to see Trans-Siberian Orchestra for the first time and I learned that Steven Tyler has way more Horcruxes than I realized but I also learned that it is NOT a sing-along type thing and the other audience members actually get really mad if you try to sing because TSO is more about instrumentals. They really could have communicated that better.

• There is work being done on the road I take to work. My mother saw the signs before I did and informed me that they said to expect delays. I said "oh, so my boss should expect me to be delayed to work?" and she said no. I have to leave earlier! Hello travel issues.

• I had to take a sick day and I don’t get sick. Except for that time I had mono and fell asleep in the five dollar DVD bin at Walmart. 
  

• Here's a super awkward miscommunication for you, I got the "I'm not looking for a relationship" talk from a guy who I didn't want to date. Don't get me wrong he's a nice guy (or he was before he pulled this crap) but I wasn't trying to wife him up. Nothing like being rejected by someone you weren't interested in at the holidays.

• I have student loan debt! Because of Mercury! And non-existent saving habits!

• I got a paper cut on my lip. How does that even happen? I'm not sure but it reminds me of the time I ripped all the skin off my bottom lip when I was using packing tape to wrap Christmas presents.
  

• I ordered some very important Christmas presents from Etsy and am not hearing back from the shop owner about when they will ship. They're very important because they're tumblers and one is for me. Does anyone else try to establish matching gift histories so you can get yourself something too? What's that you say? No? That's not what Christmas is about? Say that to the matching purses, eye shadows, lipsticks and tasers that my cousins and I have.

• I bought a contour palette at Sephora as we saw last week, and I asked a sales associate which shades were right for me, assuming I needed the light. She said that was too dark and that I should get fair. There's nothing wrong with being a fair but I am not a fair. I'm a light. Sometimes a light/medium. Luckily she asked another associate and they said light. Confirming that I'm not pale. Unless I'm standing next to Jean-Luc.
  

• I ordered a large Dr. Pepper from McDonald's because when my dentist said I was "cavity-prone" I think he was bluffing. But somehow wires got crossed and I was given a cup of...I'm honestly not even sure what. Maybe Cheerwine? A Fanta of some sort? Maybe the employees were bored and just mixed everything together? Who can say?

• And the most frustrating side effect of Mercury being in Gatorade? It's freezing! Temps in the 30s and 40s in North Carolina and it's only December?! I never agreed to that! #NotMyState