Swiftical the Giftical

In honor of the recent Tony Awards which needed more Beetlejuice Beetlejuice Beetlejuice, I have a pitch for a new show. We all love a good jukebox musical right? What prolific artist is more deserving of her own musical than Taylor Swift? Exactly. So follow (and sing) along 

Act I

Our story begins with Taylor's longtime best friend Abigail preparing the audience for the epic romance that is about to happen (...Ready For It?). Different celebrity impersonators (preferably drag queens) enter the stage in wild outfits for the event where Joe and Taylor reportedly Met...Gala (Today Was a Fairytale). We watch a falling in love montage but American Taylor and British Joe wonder if they can make a long distance relationship work. Joe decides to move for love. And because America is way better than England (Welcome to New York). While Joe gets acclimated to freedom, Taylor gives him an all-American makeover (Style). Joe has had a lot of success in England but now he has to break into the American film scene. As he faces a lot of early rejection, his agent Bryan Lourd encourages him to keep trying (Shake it Off). Joe takes a walk around Manhattan and sees an open casting call for a new film whose lead has just been fired. He takes this opening as a sign and resolves to get the part (Blank Space). Taylor joins him and they stroll around the city imagining what could be if he gets the part (If This Was a Movie). Joe continues to get call backs during the holiday season, introduces Taylor to some Boxing Day traditions, and he finally gets the news that the part is his on January 1st (New Year's Day). The couple embrace as Act I closes.

Act II

Act II begins with an excited Taylor announcing a new tour even though it will coincide with Joe's press tour for his new film (I Did Something Bad). When she tells Joe that she will have to miss his premieres, he begs her to work something out with her tour schedule and support him (Stay Stay Stay). Taylor agonizes over what to do, reluctant to let down her fans or her mans. Her girl squad ultimately convinces her to go through with the tour because music is her first love (Don't Blame Me). Taylor embarks on her world tour and while she loves it, she finds herself missing Joe and feeling guilty for letting him down (Teardrops On My Guitar). Taylor flies into New York when she has a 3 day tour break. She wants to spend time with Joe but he has already made plans and is unapologetic about filling his days with distractions from her absence (All You Had To Do Was Stay). Taylor realizes how much she has hurt Joe and waits alone in the apartment all day waiting for him to return, as she tries again to apologize Joe, he refuses to listen (You're Not Sorry). With Taylor back on tour and Joe still in New York, they both realize they have been selfish. Joe arranges to miss the U.S. premiere of his film to attend Taylor's last tour date and propose. Unbeknownst to him, Taylor has cancelled that tour date so she can walk the red carpet with Taylor. They simultaneously announce their plans to each other, leaving voicemails at the exact same time. The two are overjoyed to realize they both choose each other, but have to figure out which event to pick (I Wish You Would). Taylor posts a Twitter poll asking what the pair should do and millions of fans write to the Motion Picture Association of America to have them move the U.S. premiere so the couple can have it all. The MPAA obliges and after Taylor and Joe attend the premiere they fly to London for her final show. Joe proposes in front of their family, friends and thousands of concert attendees and Taylor says yes! The newly engaged couple close the tour together (You Belong With Me).


Aaaaaaand scene!



Wow. Moving stuff. I would tap Greta Gerwig to direct and in a clever twist, Ellen Pompeo and Mariska Hargitay will play Taylor's cats Meredith Gray and Olivia Benson. Taylor will obviously play herself. Her exes can take turns playing Joe. And it will take a lot of plastic surgery but I am willing to be Selena Gomez. Please write your local arts councils and theaters to help make this happen. Here is a sample letter, just print and mail!