Some of you may remember a popular series I did about this cute guy at church. Unfortunately, this is NOT an exciting update. No news is bad news.
The only real outcome of my 2 dream boy sightings was a break up. Not this fantasy man breaking up with his girlfriend the instant he spotted me so that we could embark on a life of love (marriage) and laughter (this blog) but a guy I was seeing at the time dumping me for two-timing him. With this guy at church. That I had never met.
Allow me to explain. I first saw the cute Christian (I am still workshopping pet names for my imaginary boyfriend) sometime in November or December. When I would tell friends about how I boldly flirted with him they thought it was hilarious that I considered eye contact me making the first move. I realized I could make a blogpost out of it. Readers tend to gravitate towards my anecdotes because I have a way of spinning straw into gold and my life is such a mess.
So I was talking to this guy. Let's call him Alejandro because that song is a bop. We hadn't met yet because he lived far away. I know what you're thinking. This isn't middle school. When you're thirteen a long distance boyfriend in Canada sounds so exotic (and concerning) but in your twenties dating someone who lives three hours away is just environmentally irresponsible. Think of all the fossil fuels!
A part of me always knew that this was never going to work but was silenced by the much bigger part of me that desperately needs attention to survive. Less in a Tinker Bell way and more in a Babadook way.
So in January we finally met. I thought it went well. We really seemed headed for an unprecedented second date. We were stalled for a few weeks while I waited for him to find a good time to drive to me since I drove to him for our first date. In this dating...let's call it an intermission...I realized that life is not a Diamond Rio song. We were never going to Meet in the Middle.
So for a few days we were in an awkward stalemate. He started calling and texting less and less and then not at all. But call me Bill Murray because I'm not about to just let a ghost escape. When he finally made contact I strapped on my proton pack, determined to extract an explanation.
Alejandro explained to me that he was distancing himself because his mother told him that I was cheating on him. Based on my blogpost.
Quick recap: this blogpost was WRITTEN and POSTED before we met. And it was about me finding a guy at church cute. Well, finding the back of his head cute. And Alejandro and I weren't official. I referred to him as my boyfriend once and he corrected me faster than you can say "I can't date you because I'm already in an exclusive relationship with my mother." which I realize would take awhile to say but honestly it needed to be said. AND HE NEVER EVEN READ THE POST HIMSELF. I guess it was just too painful.
I mean I am flattered that his mom read my blog, but maybe it has nothing to do with me and she just has good taste. According to Alejandro she said that I was "two timing" him. Can you two time someone you only met one time? I don't understand this new common core math but that just doesn't add up.
This may be the dumbest reason I have ever been broken up with. Of course I think they are all dumb (except for the guy whose watch I tried to steal, that was justified but don't wear a Rolex around me come on) and I am probably a little biased.
So I want to know what you think! Some crimes just have to be tried in the court of public opinion. Let your voice be heard. Click this link to tell me what you think.
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