I am pretty religious. And I don't mean that I am both pretty AND religious. I mean that I am above average when it comes to religious convictions and not much else. See exhibit A.
Last week I went to Chick-fil-A to celebrate the birth of my roommate. Her sister came over and after a round of Target we headed to Chick-fil-A to try their new mac & cheese. And get nugz to drown in honey and Polynesian and honey roasted barbecue sauce like God intended.
Now the Chick-fil-A I frequent, my home Chick-fil-A if you will, is almost always insanely busy. I had quite the wait before I could even get into the drive thru lane. So we're chilling in the parking lot, listening to a podcast and praying that none of the cars we're blocking in needs to leave soon, as one does. When I'm finally next to enter the drive thru, another car comes in from the opposite direction. God was clearly testing me.
Allow me to explain my anger. The 1st issue is that I have been waiting longer than this car. I have already been waiting for a good 3-5 minutes. This car is literally still in motion because they haven't been stopped waiting in line like me. Since they just got there I don't expect them to know how long I have been there. So I POLITELY honk to let them know. I would want someone to do it for me. If I am about to do something massively rude, please, by all means call me out.
My 2nd issue is that I was actively waiting in the Chick-fil-A parking lot. This dude chose to enter Chick-fil-A via the bank parking lot. Is that even legal? I doubt it. Banks are freakishly selfish with their parking lots. They never want you to park there but they're really only open like 6 hours a week. If I need a parking spot on a Sunday afternoon...what's the harm?
Of course he pulls into the drive thru in front of me because why would good things happen to me? I'm in despair. And by despair I mean deep unbridled rage. Emily and Liz start making suggestions for how we can get back at this guy. Emily suggests the classic drive thru assault, honk every time he tries to order. Unfortunately I am not the type of person who could actually do that and they have employees with headsets walking around taking orders so that would be extra awkward.
The suggestions range from mild (asking the workers to not give him any sauces) to mental (calling his school) and I settle for taking a picture of his license plate (for why?) and glaring as he gets his order taken. Then the Chick-fil-A employee (I think we should call them Chick-fil-Angels) came to take our orders.
I hung my head in defeat. I had been bested. I got got. But God wasn't done with me yet. My Chick-fil-A recently got drive thru rejuvenation surgery so now they have a whole double barrel system going. The passhole ended up taking the lane on the left while I headed right. And would you believe that my lane went a lot faster than his? As we rounded the final corner, I took the lead! Look at God!
It's like my boy David said, "who can raise a hand against the Lord's anointed and be without guilt?" 1 Samuel 26:9. I learned a lot that day. If you're going to cut me off, do it in Satan's territory like in the parking lot of an Insane Clown Posse concert. This was God's chicken and He had my back.
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