The King of Babylon, Nebuchadnezzar, takes over Jerusalem. Ancient people were colonizing and pillaging long before the British made it "cool". He wants all of the best Israelites to be sent to Babylon - it was like a charter school. Daniel and his 3 friends are chosen. The king really likes Daniel & friends even though they rock the boat at first by refusing to eat the royal food and wine. Vegans are so annoying.
Nebuchadnezzar renames all of them because he doesn't want to be the only one with a dumb name. Hananiah, Mishael and Azariah become Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego and Daniel draws the short straw and is renamed Belteshazzar. I will refer to them by their Hebrew names because I'm not paid by character. I'm not really paid at all.
Nebuchadnezzar has a dream about a statue and none of his usual suspects can interpret it. He is real pressed by this even though it doesn't even seem like an interesting dream. Daniel is able to interpret it and Nebuchadnezzar is all about some God for awhile, even though Daniel didn't give him the Joel Osteen interpretation but like, the Great Awakening version.
Even though this was in present-day Iraq you can tell that Nebuchadnezzar wasn't using any opium because his next dream is just about a tree. Boring. Daniel continues to interpret the dreams and impress everyone but he predicts that the dreams mean some bad things for Babylon. And then the 1st season of Doomsday Preppers was filmed.
Later, Nebuchadnezzar has a golden statue that Hananiah, Mishael and Azariah refuse to bow down to. He’s like “do it for the Vine guys” and they’re like “we ain’t gone do it” and so he throws them into a furnace but God protects them and they stay safe. Nebuchadnezzar sees them in the fire, j chillin and he's like - if you can't burn 'em, join 'em. After this Daniel & company get some sweet promotions. It's like they're all at the top of Abby Lee Miller's dance pyramid.
But of course, all good things must come to an end. The Persians overthrow Nebuchadnezzar and Darius becomes the king. It was kind of like Game of Thrones back in the OT. Darius is smitten with Daniel too and makes him, like, co-captain of the varsity cheer squad.
So now everyone is player hating on Daniel and they want to get him fired but they have no idea how and this was before passive aggressive Post-it notes were invented so they are really in a pickle. All the snakes trick the king into making prayer illegal. Daniel continues to pray to God and King Darius is forced to throw him into the lion’s den because I guess lethal injection wasn’t invented yet.
But the lions are suddenly very concerned about fitting into their dresses for winter formal and don't eat Daniel. King Darius is happy to see that God protected Daniel from the lions and he decided to throw all of the guys who plotted against Daniel to the lions for good measure. All of a sudden the lions were feeling very peckish so they chowed down. Bone app the teeth.
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