Wednesday, March 4, 2020

We Love Zionism Wednesday

Yesterday was Super Tuesday and today is We Love Zionism Wednesday. Rolls off the tongue, doesn't it?

I decided to create a little voter's guide that will outline the candidate's stances on Israel. Here's the disclaimer about how I know a lot of you don't care about Israel, couldn't locate it on a map, couldn't care less. Yeah this is obviously not for you. But if you do care...this ones for you! Toda raba!

Please keep in mind that most of these candidates will have ended their campaigns by the time I post this. In no particular order aside from alphabetical order of their government names...


Amy Jean Klobuchar
  • Overall very supportive of Israel.
  • Claims that she wants to continue U.S. support of Israel.
  • Advocates for Israel being a bipartisan issue.
  • Voted for the anti-BDS bill last summer.
  • She's a member of the United Church of Christ which is like the polar opposite of the regular Church of Christ. Trust me it is important to know the difference.

Andrew M. Yang
  • And the M is for money. Actually not sure what the M stands for. If Wikipedia doesn't know then it is simply not meant to be known.
  • Said at one point that Palestinian refugees should have right to return but then backtracked.
  • Open to moving the embassy from Jerusalem. 
  • Would restore aid to Palestinians.
  • Said to a crowd once that he didn't know enough about aid to speak on aid to Israel which honestly I respect. You don't know what you don't know.
  • Now I will say, I find Bowen Yang on SNL to be delightful. So that's one potential plus of a Yang win.

Bernard Sanders
  • Wants the U.S. to be pro-Israel and pro-Palestinian. Also probably roots for UNC AND Duke. 
  • Would gladly move the U.S. embassy from Jerusalem. 
  • Thinks it is wrong for the U.S. to supply Israel with arms. 
  • Called AIPAC bigoted.
  • Does not favor Israelis over the Palestinians. And is proud of that.
  • Thinks diplomacy can keep Israel safe from Iran. No sanctions or military actions needed.
  • No middle name? What is he hiding?

Elizabeth Ann Warren
  • Supports a two state solution with the Palestinians occupying the West Bank and Gaza Strip.
  • Favors restoring aid to Palestinians and having a Palestinian delegate in Washington.
  • Wants to put conditions on U.S. aid to Israel.
  • She used to be more pro-Israel but is lessening her support over time.
  • I think that sometimes you have to make a voting decision based on what will get more screen time for Kate McKinnon. 

Joseph Robinette Biden Jr.
  • Opposes BDS. 
  • Supports the legitimacy of Israel. 
  • Does not want to move the embassy. 
  • Wants to continue U.S. aid to Israel. 
  • Opposes Israeli settlements in the West Bank. 
  • Is tired of everyone giving the Palestinian Authority a pass.
  • We stan?

Michael Rubens Bloomberg
  • He called BDS pernicious - a word he obviously got from Camille Grammer on the 2nd season of RHOBH. 
  • Supports AIPAC, defended it against Sanders. 
  • Says he would never impose conditions on military aid. 
  • Claims he will stand up for Israel in the UN. 
  • Wants to leave the embassy in Jerusalem.
  • Favors a two state solution with Israel retaining most of the land it owns now.
  • Finally an approach to Israel I can get on board with.
  • BUT...if this man wins and takes away my dollar large Dr. Peppers at McDonald's I will never forgive y'all. 

Peter Paul & Mary Buttigieg
  • Called Israel's human rights record problematic.
  • Okay it's actually Peter Paul Montgomery Buttigieg but come on. I can't NOT make that joke.
  • Open to conditioning U.S. aid to Israel, but later backtracked.
  • Is actually Brad Stevens.
  • Does not support Israel annexing more West Bank territory.

and...

Donald John Trump
  • His support of Israel is UGE.
  • Recognizes Jerusalem as Israel's capital and sovereignty over the Golan Heights. 
  • Moved the U.S. embassy from Tel Aviv to Jerusalem.
  • Ended Iran nuclear deal (if you don't get how this relates to Israel, call me).
  • Generally sides with Netanyahu. 
  • Came up with the deal of the century.

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