BIBLE TL; DR Ruth & Naomi

A long, long time ago in Bethlehem there was a famine. Not like when Subway is out of chocolate chip cookies (as they frequently are) but like there was legit no food. A woman named Naomi (and a lot of less important people) lived in Bethlehem at the time and they were straight up not having a good time. Naomi's husband Eminem moved their family to Moab but then he died. So that's tough. Naomi was left to live alone in Moab with her 2 sons. If her husband wasn't already dead she would probably kill him for leaving her alone with 2 boys. But at least she had a husband at one point, am I right? Her sons married Moabites but then they died too. What is going on here? This Moab is worse than Chicago.

So it was just Naomi and her daughters in law, Ruth and Orpah. Naomi told them “I am going to my hometown, I don’t care where y’all go but you can’t stay here” because she was not trying to like start a book club and kee-kee it up with them. Orpah went home to her family but Ruth could not take a hint. She told Naomi that she would go anywhere Naomi went. Stage 5 clinger.

So Ruth and Naomi travel back to Bethlehem. It was kind of like when you go home while you're in college and you bring your new roommate along. They begin to work in the fields picking up after harvesters, which is about as fun as it sounds. One of the field owners noticed what a hard worker Ruth was. She worked hard to get that bread while taking care of Naomi even though she didn’t have to. This field owner was named Boaz and he was related to Eminem. He helped to provide for her and sneakily told his workers to drop extra barley for her because chivalry was still alive back then. He also gave her free drinks for life from his water jars. Boy was whipped!

Boaz told Ruth she could keep gathering that grain in his fields all season and Naomi was so grateful. Naomi grew up in those fields and she knew Ruth didn't have the field smarts to hack it. While Ruth was working I guess Naomi was at home watching soaps and she cooked up a plan. Naomi was like Ruth you be Reba being Fancy and I'll be unnamed woman playing Fancy's mom. So she sent Ruth to sleep at Boaz's feet. This is where I would have headed out but I'm not married so what would I know?

Boaz woke up in the middle of the night and was so thankful it was just Ruth and not slender man that he proposed! Ruth and Boaz married but they still were friends with Naomi so it was like Three’s Company. Naomi was Chrissy.