A longtime fan of this blog, Emily, turns 27 this Saturday. Also, she's my roommate. You may recognize her from the left-hand side of all my photos.
In her defense, she is left-handed.
To celebrate her impending annual, I decided it was time for a MASH ceremony to decide her fate. I let her choose 2 options in each category and I added a surprise third option because as a soon-to-be twenty-seven year old she has to learn that life comes at ya fast.
I think it lifted Emily's spirits to know that she will one day share an apartment with a hunky and age-appropriate homicide detective and a Corgi named Elvis. She will drive the streets (or probably dirt roads) of South Dakota in her Jeep truck running errands as my assistant. I will be by her side when she gets Mako tattooed on her finger and we will attend Taylor Swift's Speak Now tour together with our "can I speak to the manager" haircuts. Afterwards we will relax in her pool and probably take more selfies.
Here are the top 27 things everyone (except for the FBI) should know about Emily.
1. She has grown out of her "wear a spaghetti strap dress over a Hollister t shirt" phase.
2. Emily refuses to watch 99% of movies she has not already seen.
3. Same for television shows.
4. She makes for a good alarm clock.
5. Emily loves a British male singer/songwriter. If William Hung was British she would be all over that.
6. She hates hazelnut.
7. She will deep fry any and everything.
8. Her favorite steak seasoning is Chicago. Whatever that means.
9. She never wants to live further than 10 miles from a Bojangles'.
10. She makes the best buttered noodles. She has perfected the process over years and has it down to a science.
11. She does laundry literally every day.
12. This girl loves some beans.
13. She literally always picks the same exact nail color, a neon coral.
14. She is passionate about skincare. Put something in a fancy bottle and I promise you Emily will spritz it on her face.
15. Emily has a talent for finding flight deals.
16. She loves a camo print.
17. Electronics love her even though they hate me. Except for the kitchen electronics.
18. She often has the wrong opinions about reality TV stars until she rewatches with me and I straighten her out.
19. Her blood type is queso.
20. She is standing by Taco Bell in the wake of recent menu changes. She's not happy with it, but she is addicted.
21. Her favorite sister wife is Janelle.
22. She has a thousand rules about dating based on what car a guy drives. I don't remember all of them but I know Acuras are not allowed, Jeeps are preferred and BMWs have to be M series.
23. She secretly loves to watch Jeopardy! no matter what she says.
24. If she tells you a time that she is going to leave, be prepared for her to leave a full 2 hours before that.
25. She prefers Olive Garden to Carrabba's.
26. She wants to be cremated but only after death.
27. And she's pissed that I took so long to write this because she is staying awake to make sure I don't publish any libelous information.
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