A carpenter named Joseph was living in the big city of Nazareth at the time and he needed to go all the way back to Bethlehem. He had to travel about 90 miles - or as they called it in those days - 5 days of walking. His fiancee, Mary posted an engagement Instagram pic and tagged Joseph. #nofilter She dropped a pin in Bethlehem, an angel saw the post and appeared to her and told her that she was God’s favorite and she would have God’s baby, the savior of the world. The angel also appeared to Joseph so he wouldn’t call The Maury Show.
While traveling through the desert, service was pretty bad. Expedia.com wouldn't load and by the time they arrived in town, there were no vacancies. This sounds like the beginning of a horror movie, but there is some good news. They were able to find a barn to stay in because rustic weddings weren't quite INN yet. (get it?)
The tired couple was happy to have a place to stay and Joseph was happy there was no couch for him to sleep on because Mary swears she told him multiple times to call ahead. Mary had the baby with no meds, and they wrapped him up in cloth and laid him down on some clean straw in the manger. It was probably clean, right?
While traveling through the desert, service was pretty bad. Expedia.com wouldn't load and by the time they arrived in town, there were no vacancies. This sounds like the beginning of a horror movie, but there is some good news. They were able to find a barn to stay in because rustic weddings weren't quite INN yet. (get it?)
The tired couple was happy to have a place to stay and Joseph was happy there was no couch for him to sleep on because Mary swears she told him multiple times to call ahead. Mary had the baby with no meds, and they wrapped him up in cloth and laid him down on some clean straw in the manger. It was probably clean, right?
They named the baby Jesus because God kind of had dibs on naming rights and He chose Jesus. So if Mary wanted to name him Jakxen or Oakleigh, that was too bad. Also they got the baby vaccinated. And circumcised.
While this was happening there were some shepherds nearby...shepherding and what not. An angel appeared to them announced the good news of the savior’s birth. The shepherds totally wanted in on that action so they headed over to the manger. The manger was a total hotspot now.
Meanwhile, 3 wisemen (where did they find THREE?) also had FOMO, so they followed a bright star to Bethlehem and brought baby Jesus presents. But instead of rattles and blankets and diapers they brought gold and frankincense and myrrh. I’m sure Mary and Joseph appreciated the gold. And honestly Mary was probably a fan of the healing powers of frankincense because Western medicine - or as I call it, medicine - wasn't invented yet. Maybe Mary was like, the first brand ambassador for MLM, Eternal Living (TM).
Meanwhile, 3 wisemen (where did they find THREE?) also had FOMO, so they followed a bright star to Bethlehem and brought baby Jesus presents. But instead of rattles and blankets and diapers they brought gold and frankincense and myrrh. I’m sure Mary and Joseph appreciated the gold. And honestly Mary was probably a fan of the healing powers of frankincense because Western medicine - or as I call it, medicine - wasn't invented yet. Maybe Mary was like, the first brand ambassador for MLM, Eternal Living (TM).
Everyone was praising God because babies are adorable and if I was Mary I would have been like "what about me, natural childbirth over here," but she was probably not a diva about it.
And for the next 33 years, anytime Joseph messed up as a parent he probably heard, "oh it's okay Joseph, it's only the SON OF GOD AND SAVIOR OF THE WORLD, I'm sure his wrist will heal in no time."
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