So ya boy Joseph did some ancestry.com and turns out, he was from the line of David. So he needed to go to Bethlehem to pay his taxes. But there were no Ubers, so this was a long and stressful journey. Kind of like a trip to Walmart during a holiday weekend.
No one likes to road trip alone (except for drifter serial killers and even then Henry Lee Lucas brought a plus one) so he brought his fiancée Mary. Now Mary was pregnant - which was quite the scandal - but the voice of God determined that Joseph was NOT the father.
According to her Fitbit, Mary was due to give birth on the trip. Not ideal because her OB-GYN was not from the line of David, they weren't really familiar with the hospitals in the area but what can you do?
Joseph did not make the Holiday Inn reservations when Mary told him to so there were no vacancies when they arrived. I mean it was Christmas Eve after all, what did he expect? Men. Airbnb wasn't in the area yet so they stayed in a barn. Not like the rehabilitated rustic country chic barns that people are getting married in lately but like. A barn barn. Animals included.
Mary gave birth to a baby boy and they DIYed some blankets and a crib for him. Meanwhile, there were some shepherds working third shift nearby. God sent an angel to tell them about the birth because visiting hours at the barn were almost over and He didn't want them to miss it.
The shepherds were terrified because they had never seen an angel before they had only heard about them on reddit conspiracy theory subs. So the angel told them not to be afraid because it was good news - the savior was born in Bethlehem. And now they were the first to know about it. Take that WikiLeaks.
The shepherds were like we gotta check that out. As Instagram influencers it is our duty to report back #update #itsaboy #capricornszn. So they headed to the barn as fast as they could, snapped some cute selfies and shared with all of their followers.
After that things got REAL.*
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