For us girls, there are a total of 3 ways to get friends. 1) Be rich, pretty, popular, or any combination of the three. 2) Have a fabulous personality. (In the wise words of the internet, "I have to be funny because being hot isn't an option.") Or 3) Fake option 1 or 2.
Once it became evident that options 1 and 2 simply weren't for everyone, the art of faking was born! And it really is a shame that the word "fake" has such negative connotations. There are tons of awesome women who have gone far faking (there are also tons of women in white collar prisons for faking, but that's a story for another day). Anastasia faked being a princess. Mulan faked being a dude. And Beyonce is still faking being a mere mortal. Nice try B, we all know you're a goddess.
But before you jump right into fabricating a personality, you have to plan it out. The first, and most important rule of faking is to pick your area and stick to it. If you pretend to know everything about lots of different subjects, people are gonna hate you. And I can't blame them. It's only ok to be obnoxious in small doses. So pick fashion or politics or Hollywood or Europe and stay there!
Rule number 2 is that 80% of all statistics are made up. If you believed that statement, thank you for proving my point. I just made that up. And once you gain credibility in a field, you can too. When you get a reputation for being knowledgeable in an area, people are going to come to you with questions. Questions you might not know the answers to. Aaaaand cue made up statistics. You can even do this when you're on the record! Politicians have been doing it for centuries, and I think we can all agree that if there is one thing government employees really excel at, it's making things up (don't get me started on "Groundhog Day").
The last (and certainly least) important rule of faking it is that you always stick to your story. Say one day a friend comes up to you and says "Hey I have to write a paper on Africa in the 20th century. What can you tell me about it?" The appropriate response is "Ahh yes, in the 20th century Africa was ruled by Mufasa until his brother Scar took over in a military coup d'etat. The population lived in poverty until the rightful heir to the throne, Simba, rescued the nation." When your friend gets a terrible grade on that paper because she listened to you, you just have to shrug it of and say "I'm sorry, I guess they were looking for a more economic approach." No damage done. If you admit to being wrong you will lose all credibility, and maybe some teeth depending on how mad your friends are that you ruined their GPAs with your lies.
In conclusion, someone very questionable once told me, "I've only been wrong once, when I thought I was wrong about something and I was actually right." If you can understand that brain teaser, please contact me immediately because it's been years and I still don't get it.
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