This post is dedicated to every guy who has ever used one of these lines insincerely. Or to simplify things, every guy. Here's a trick girls can use to tell if a guy is lying - are his lips moving? Actually, today it's more like are his thumbs typing, but you get it. Unless I've just been lucky enough to experience only the worst the male species has to offer, I must conclude that a lot of guys lie. A lot. Next time your guy uses one of these, I suggest you hit him with a "whatever." Underneath every lie I have spelled out what they are really saying.
"Your face is way prettier than hers."
I haven't even looked at her face yet.
"I'm sorry babe, I was really busy."
...Playing Call of Duty and texting some girls, I mean friends.
"Let's split a dessert"
It costs less and won't make you as fat.
"I texted you, that's so weird that you didn't get it."
Syke! I forgot you existed this weekend because my frat had a party.
"I don't think we need to validate our relationship on Facebook."
Because then other girls will think I'm unavailable.
"I tried to change my profile picture to us but my internet messed up."
See above.
"No I don't have her number!"
...Saved with her name, how dumb do you think I am?
"Oh my ex was at the beach last weekend when I was there? I had no idea."
...That you knew that. That was a close one.
"Of course I will always love you."
As long as you keep doing my laundry and making me food and looking good.
"No, I haven't talked to her."
...Today.
And last but not least, my personal favorite:
"I'll text you later."
Next week IS technically later.
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