Wednesday, August 28, 2013

Words That Need to Exist Like Now

I don't know about y'all, but I think conforming to traditional grammar rules is for losers and Yankees. Same difference, I know, but you get my point. I'm in journalism school so I am forced to use conventional grammar most of the time. And that is just a waste of creativity. Over time I have developed an extensive list of words that absolutely need to exist. I have also included an appropriate example of usage. I think that these words will make everyone's life better, or at the very least make people stop giving me weird stares when I call someone naca. Y'all are welcome.

*Y'all is not in this list because y'all should be aware that y'all is a word. Yousguys on the other hand, is not a word and I pray it never becomes one.

VietCongress
I mean really, I actually just thought this one up last week in class. It obviously doesn't apply to every Congress, just the ones that resemble/support the communist party. So basically all the democratically controlled Congresses. If anyone is offended by this, you are more than welcome to move to China.
"Did y'all hear that law the VietCongress is trying to pass on gun control? Commies."

Whoenall
I mean whoenall says this all the time? Cause I say it every weekend. It's the perfect term for asking about who is going to be at an event, in a class, at the gym, at a party, or whatever. It would take me much longer to say who and all, and I'm pretty sure that's not correct either so I'm cutting some consonants.
"Whoenall is gonna be there?"

Dramastic
I try really hard not to say this word because it just makes so much darn sense. When something is dramatic, it's drastic. And when something is drastic, it's dramatic. So for those really intense situations, you should be able to combine them to imply the  increased overall OMG-ness of the situation.
"Miley Cyrus has changed so dramastically. I miss Hannah Montana."

Naca
Ok, so this is a word in Spanish slash Mexican slang, but I have been using it for years because it is just perfection. This is mainly due to the fact that the pronunciation of the word requires equal parts sass and disdain. Naca is like the Latino version of ratchet, but more applicable to everyday people. Like I wouldn't call this girl I'm sitting across from right now who is wearing see through leggings as pants and has a beanie on when it is over 90 degrees outside ratchet, but I would slash already called her naca.
"I don't get Lady Gaga, she looks so naca sometimes. She should change her name to Lady Naca!"

Showma
This term is derived from show and coma. It refers to when you have spent the majority of the day in bed watching an entire season/s of a show on Netflix and you just feel so proud slash disgusted with yourself. Showma is often followed by a Hangshowver.
"I would love to get up and unlock the door for you right  now, but I'm in a serious Showma and I still have 2 episodes left. Go away."

De Ja Tune
Does anyone else ever experience this? You're listening to the radio and you think you recognize a song from like a decade ago and then you find out it is a new single? This happens to me frequently with Beyonce, Justin Timberlake and Katy Perry. It's a disorienting experience to say the least.
"Man I can't believe Take Back the Night is new! Must have been de ja tune."

Snarkastic
When a comment is both snarky and sarcastic. Frequently exemplified by females. Girls are almost always snarkastic around other girls they are intimidated by. So if a girl bumps into me, and she is wearing a really cute top, when she says sorry I am going to snarkastically say it's fine instead of the ultra-polite, you're fine I reserve for freshmen and foreign students.
"Ew, I just saw his new girlfriend. I was totes snarkastic to her."

Instacquaintance
When you are friends with someone on social media but not in real life. You don't dislike each other, you've just never spoken. So every time you see them in person you both do the awkward do I make eye contact, how do I talk to them without mentioning that I know their whole life thing. You have stalked them online at least once.
"I can't go talk to her, we're just instacquaintances. But I saw she did recently switch shampoo brands, and I wonder how that's going."

Delta Delta Diva
Anyone in a sorority or fraternity. Naturally, not someone you wanna be friends with.This applies to both males and females because the guys in fraternities can be divas and the girls in sororities definitely are. Can also refer to one who dresses/acts as if they are a part of Greek life. If a guy is wearing Vineyard Vines or a girl is wearing Jack Rogers, there needs to be a specific insult for them. I don't know what's taken the language world so long.
"Ughhh I sit beside a delta delta diva in that class. Kill me now."

Selfstagram
When a girl's instagram is 99% selfies, she has a selfstagram. Selfies every now and then are perfectly ok. Selfies everyday are not. A selfie to show off your new haircut is ok. A selfie to show off your new freckle is not. Girls with selfstagrams are almost always trying to get instafamous (have at least 100 likes on every picture, have over a thousand followers). Unfortunately, this often happens.
"I don't follow her, I don't like selfstagrams. I don't need to be reminded what her face looks like every 2 seconds."

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