Monopoly Astrology

You might be embarrassed by it, you might even lie about it, but I'm willing to bet you all know your zodiac signs. Does anyone else remember a few years ago when some of the zodiac signs shifted by a few dates? I realize that this did not affect most people, but I couldn't help but observe that there had to be at least one person who had "aries" tattooed on their body, and now they're a taurus. Think before you ink people!

Anyways, I've always thought it was complete crap to claim that the date of your birth can really explain that much about your personality. To prove my point...Kelly Clarkson and Hitler are born in the same month. Also born in the same month? Ronald Reagan and Paris Hilton. I rest my case.

So I came to the rescue, as usual, and created a fool-proof way to really see who you are compatible with because let's face it, I know what y'all are really using your horoscopes for. This patented method, known as Monopology, will match you with a partner based on what Monopoly pieces you both like to play as. You're welcome.

Wheelbarrow
Compatible with: Iron. You both pay attention to the small details and will argue over who gets to do the housework instead of who has to do it.
Not compatible with: Battleship. They do not understand your "slow and steady" motto and their belligerence will make even you consider violence.

Battleship
Compatible with: Racecar. No one else will appreciate your need to win or tolerate your competitiveness.
Not compatible with: Wheelbarrow. Someone who takes life nice and slow will not work well with your "don't look, just leap" attitude.

Racecar
Compatible with: Money Sack. They have the dough to fuel your need for speed and will be totally on board with your showboating.
Not compatible with: Iron. Their work ethic and sweating the small stuff will really bum you out. And they will pretty much hate your guts.

Thimble
Compatible with: Old Boot. You have the same strong work ethic and don't mind living the simple life.
Not compatible with: Money Sack. Someone who likes cash that much is going to go shopping when clothes tear, not pull out the sewing kit to mend them.

Dog
Compatible with: Racecar. You both have the attention span of a squirrel and often act like 12 year olds. Heck, you might even both be 12 year olds.
Not compatible with: Top Hat. Their sophistication and maturity will bore you while your playfulness and lack of restraint will have them online shopping for Ritalin or animal tranquilizers, whichever is cheaper.

Top Hat
Compatible with: Man on a Horse. You're both sophisticated and refined socialites who appreciate a good party or adventure. Side Note-You also may both be gentlemen. Not much I can do about that, the heart wants what it wants.
Not compatible with: Old Boot. Their lack of showmanship will drive you insane. They expect clothing to be functional and have no time for accessories no matter how dapper. Incorrigible.

Iron
Compatible with: Thimble. You both don't mind putting in the effort to make sure your clothes are looking their best. You could even start a tailoring company together!
Not compatible with: Man on a Horse. They would not even pause to admire your work before wrinkling a crisp plaid button down riding off to the rodeo.

Money Sack
Compatible with: Top Hat. You both appreciate the finer things in life and have no problem throwing cash around.
Not compatible with: Old Boot. "Old" is not even in your vocabulary. You're the type who believes new shoes should be bought before the old ones literally fall apart whereas this guy, not so much into new kicks.

Old Boot
Compatible with: Wheelbarrow. You're both sturdy and dependable and understand that newer doesn't always mean better.
Not compatible with: Dog. Someone that fun-loving would never respect your age and character. You need someone who will admire your hard work, not poop all over it. Literally.

Man on a Horse
Compatible with: Battleship. You both believe in putting on a show and like to travel in style. You both love a good chase and a good battle. This may be the quintessential example of a "bad romance."
Not compatible with: Dog. This is Merica, not Great Britain. A couple can't like horses and dogs. Pick a team.

*DISCLAIMER: You should under no circumstances mate with anyone who always wants to be the banker. These people are obviously very controlling, over finances in particular. Their relationships typically end in divorce or bankruptcy, whichever comes first.