WhatShouldWeCallMeInMiddleSchool

One of my favorite hobbies is inventing new tumblrs that I sincerely hope someone out there will think of also and go ahead and make the actual tumblr because between training to be a trophy wife and my part time mermaid gig, I really haven't the time. Sometimes, I will admit, I have some pretty stupid ideas. Purrfection, for instance, was supposed to be a tumblr of cats that look like Beyonce. Needless to say, I couldn't get past the looking at pictures of Beyonce part. But my newest tumblr idea is genius. WhatShouldWeCallMeInMiddleSchool is a safe place for users to upload heinous photos of themselves as preteens because it is so important to learn from past mistakes. These are the pages that WhatShouldWeCallMeInMiddleSchool will feature.

Braces
I was really lucky (or unlucky) to begin my journey in orthodontia in the 3rd grade. My braces came off the summer before 7th grade, before I could really be embarrassed by them. When I first got my braces as an eight year old I was thrilled, I thought they made me look at least 9 and 3 quarters. But by the 6th grade, I was so over the braceface look (on myself, not the show with Alicia Silverstone, that was awesome).

No Make Up
My parents, the same parents who brought you (or should I say me?) the "no cell phone till you're 14" policy, obviously dead set on making me an outcast when all I wanted to be was the 3rd member of OutKast , did not let me wear makeup until high school. And it was brutal. I went all 3 years of middle school make up free, and if any of you have seen me without make up, you know how rough that was (and still is).

One Fashion Don't After Another
Cause that's all middle school is, right? Especially for those of us who were in middle school in the early 2000s. It was all about the big 4 - Aeropostale (which your parents undoubtedly pronounced air-o-pah-sul), American Eagle, Hollister and Abercrombie. Everytime you went to the mall all you really wanted was a tight t shirt with the store name in size 72 font across the boobs. That was the height of fashion, after all. But it got so much worse. Who else among us is still struggling to forget the lace-capped leggings and denim skirts phase? Or crocs being all the rage?

Basketball Warm Ups
I can't tell what was worse, the fact that we wore those trashbag material/XXL prison suits with pride or the fact that we thought we were beyond clever by calling them "cool downs" instead of warm ups. Also the fact that we always wore the jacket and the sweatpants together really multiplied how awful the whole scenario was. Just picture a dozen thirteen year olds wearing head to toe navy nylon. 

That Hair Doe
There were so many hair atrocities in middle school that I hardly know where to begin. So I'll start with my own. It was shorter than shoulder length and had this terrible, what can only be described as a hump, on the right side at the top of my skull. I like to pretend hair straighteners weren't invented until 2009 but in reality, I was just way behind. And then there were the bangs. Now I learned from 2nd grade that bangs weren't my thing, although they would have really helped my widow's peak situation. But almost everyone else had bangs. They would scrunch their hair and straighten their bangs. But we musn't judge, it was a different world back then.

All that being said, I just want to issue a huge apology to any and everyone who knew me in middle school. I was a hot mess, extra mess, hold the hot. And I have some friends that have stood by me since those dark ages. To them, I would like to say, you all must be even more messed up than I am if you can't find newer, prettier friends to replace me. Love ya, mean it.