Summer Streaming

Today is a White Girl Wednesday first. I'm giving advice on something I actually have experience with. Television! For many people who are still in school, have no friends or refuse to grow up, summer means an abundance of free time. Now there are a lot of equally worthwhile ways to fill said free time. Volunteering. Interning. Working a part time job. Reading. Pursuing hobbies. Crafting. Eating. Watching television. Today's post will focus on the latter. If you're like me (God help you), you probably find yourself running out of shows to binge-watch. Should you rewatch Parks and Rec for the fifth time or risk spending upwards of 20 minutes watching the pilot episode of a show you just can't get into? I'm here to help. I realize that Netflix and Hulu and whatever other streaming services all the cool kids are using these days offer you suggestions based on what you watch. So why should you take my direction instead of theirs? Because my friends, we are in the midst of a man vs. machines battle, nay a war, and we can't let them win. Help me prove that my random guesses are way better than some computer-generated algorithm or prepare to be ruled by your silicon and wire overlords.

If you like Friends...
Try Happy Endings
3 seasons available on Hulu
Casey Wilson is just phenomenal, but if you need more convincing keep reading. This series features 3 men and 3 women, among them a set of siblings and a couple. Sound familiar? You'll quickly recognize Penny as a perpetually single Phoebe type, Jane as the type A Monica replacement and Alex as runaway bride Rachel. Max is the sloppy, unemployed Joey of the gang, banker bro Brad is the Chandler and Dave is a slightly better Ross. It's set in Chicago but I think we can forgive and try very hard to forget that.

If you like Absolutely Fabulous...
Try Difficult People
1+ seasons available on Hulu
This Amy Poehler-produced Hulu series follows best friends who think they are, well, absolutely fabulous. Aspiring celebrities Julie and Billy want to make it in comedy but are held back by some pretty glaring personality flaws that neither seems to notice. Add in Julie's unorthodox therapist mother and bow-tie wearing boyfriend for further culture clashes. Laugh as these 2 yell obscenities, fan the flames of their inflated egos and find acceptance in New Jersey of all places. Julie and Billy are the BFFs we all think we are when we're at our funniest. If you ever ended up on the same bus as me and Taylor in Chapel Hill, you know the hilarious-dynamic-duo-bit well.

If you like Coneheads...
Try Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
2 seasons available on Netflix
Quick warning, the theme song of this show is impossibly catchy. If you think you can handle it, you will follow the story of Kimmy Schmidt, recent kidnap-survivor adjusting to life in 2016. She lived underground in a bunker for 15 years and now finds herself navigating New York City while weirdly afraid of velcro. Kimmy's friend Titus is struggling to make it as an actor, her landlady is fighting a losing battle with gentrification, her crush is in a sham marriage and her boss is the always perfect Jane Krakowski. My one critique is not enough Carol Kane but to be fair I say that about everything. Just this morning I thought my Mini-Wheats could use more Carol Kane. You'll be shouting "I'm not really here!" when you finish all 26 episodes.

If you like Fantasy...
Try Game of Thrones
6 seasons available on HBO GO
If you want to watch this series with any integrity hopefully you haven't been on Twitter, Buzzfeed, Reddit or Tumblr for the past 5 years. There are a ton of dynamic characters with just as many plot lines to follow and the fandom is well-established making GOT perfect for all the kids who grew up waiting in line for Harry Potter books. Watch the first season and figure out what house you will pledge your fealty to, what you would name your direwolf and which Lannister you hate the most. Also good luck picking your GOT crush, mine died in season 1.

If you like Everybody Loves Raymond/any DCOM starring sisters...
Try Arrested Development
4 seasons available on Netflix
This series proves that the rule of less is more does not apply to family dysfunction. The "riches to rags" theme sees members of the Bluth family so out of touch they don't know the price of a banana or the sound a chicken makes (look it up on YouTube). Follow a family so crazy that it includes an incompetent magician, jailed patriarch, boy in love with his cousin and a grown man who constantly wears blue jean cutoffs.

If you like Real Housewives...
Try Little Women: LA/NY/Atlanta
4+ seasons (LA), 1+ seasons (NY)  & 1+ seasons (Atlanta) available on the Lifetime app/website.*
At least they would be available if my roommate's Apple TV would load it instead of spending 15 minutes "accessing Lifetime" before inevitably failing yet again. I'm warning you Apple, I will destroy you like I destroyed Shari and her berries.
But I digress. This show is so full of drama. Literally every episode has the same format. It starts with everyone timidly reconnecting after the last fracas, one girl claims another girl is jealous of her career/love life, one girl talks behind someone's back, and the next huge brawl breaks out. I can't pick a favorite character because they're all pretty equally awesome and annoying.

If you like The Discovery Channel...
Try Wildest Islands
2 seasons available on Netflix
This nature documentary series explores, you guessed it...islands! Each island has a theme. The premiere episode takes viewers to Zanzibar: Land of Giants to visit with coconut crabs, whale sharks and coral reefs. There is one episode on Canada but I can look past it. Bonus points to all the men who watch this and are reminded that in nature it's always the males trying to capture the attention of the females. I don't want to spoil anything but one bird species has a mating ritual where the males build nests and the lady birds get to pick the nests they want. Picture a world where instead of pretending to like baseball, claiming to be related to Elvis, accidentally kidnapping a dog or whatever crazy thing you've done to impress a guy, the guys near you all invite you to their houses and you get to keep whichever you like best. The house and the guy! Now we're talking.


*Post-publication it was brought to my attention that Lifetime is garbage. It won't load on the Apple TV and the website refuses to recognize that I am signed in with an authorized cable provider. Therefore the Lifetime website alternates between informing me that I am signed in and refusing to play the videos until I have signed in. So save yourselves an afternoon of frustration and don't watch Lifetime, just start on Parks and Rec again.