CaroWINing

If you're considering a trip to Carowinds in the near future, this post breaks down some of the rides and that may have been a poor choice of words. 

Fury 325

Also known as the world's tallest and fastest gigacoaster. The 5th tallest coaster in the world. I was terrified of this ride but once I realized that the climb up wasn't completely vertical I felt pretty confident. There were a ton of lifts and drops, from the front cars you can't even see the tracks below you, the ride transverses both North and South Carolina and reaches speeds of 95mph. This might be the best roller coaster I've ever been on. We rode it 3 times in a row, really capitalizing on the locker situation since we had to pay $2 to lock up all miscellaneous belongings  for an hour. But the real story here is what happened on our 2nd ride. About halfway through, Brendan pointed out to me that some object was flying by our heads. About 3 seconds later the girl behind us yelled "I caught it!" and was holding an afro pick. That's not a typo. It was an afro pick. That could have gone horribly wrong, I can imagine the metal prongs sinking into my face or ruining my updo. Let me just say, if you knowingly keep an afro pick in your hair on one of the tallest and fastest roller coasters in the world...you're a jerk. I was hoping to find a shirt saying "I rode Fury 325 and all I got was this stupid afro pick." in the ride's gift shop but no such luck.

Plants vs. Zombies
I picked team zombie naturally because I hate vegetables - a type of plant - and from my history with houseplants I thought I would be good at killing them. I wasn't. I am definitely video game deficient due to growing up outside. The only video games I've really played are Jeopardy! for the Wii and NBA 2K which I always lose at because I can't figure out how to pass the ball or play defense. Sure it works when I'm playing as Kobe Bryant but it does not help improve my gaming abilities. I ended up with a score of around 4,000 pity points and team plant won. I ate salad for dinner to feel superior.

Carolina Cyclone
We did NOT ride the Carolina Cyclone after Evan told us that once his harness somehow unfastened and he had to hold it over himself. Despite being part of an elite online community of amusement park enthusiasts, Evan had told no one about the incident so I am making it public knowledge here. I mean I'm sure it's fine now, but I wouldn't let my little brother ride it. Well not my littlest brother. My other brother can ride it who cares.

Dodg'ems

Bumper cars. Not really my thing since I dedicate so much mental space to avoiding hitting other vehicles. I also don't trust the electricity situation. Why are there constantly sparks at the top of the poles connected to the cars? How does exposure to dangerous electrical outputs make this a fun ride? My complaint with this ride was the kids running it. At 23 I feel I am old enough to self-righteously call high schoolers kids. They flirted hardcore. So if you're reading this, lovebirds, he/she is totally into you. Go for it. But maybe not at work because I had to spend 6 minutes listening to you guys batting your eyelashes in front of a dozen empty cars waiting to be bumped. 

Nighthawk
A "flying" coaster, the Nighthawk takes some time to load because riders are strapped into chairs that then recline so you ride on your back and stomach. If you're not used to rides that force your center of gravity to strain against semi-lax restraints forcing you to get a better look at the ground you just know you're about to be hurtling towards then the Nighthawk is probably not for you. A friend who will remain unnamed cried.

Intimidator
A ride based on the legendary Dale Earnhardt, may he rest in peace. Kari noted that from high up on the first hill of this ride, the lesser Carolina looks like a real dump. But to be fair, it looks like a dump from sea level too. I think that the best part of this ride is that thanks to the NASCAR theme, in the loading area riders are told they have 5 seconds to find their seats and that really sped up the whole process. On this ride I noticed that my lap bar never seemed to go down as far as everyone else's. This was either senseless paranoia or the result of a lifetime addiction to bread that has wreaked havoc on my thighs. When I pointed this out to Brendan he assured me I was crazy by saying "the bar must be broken". Wrong move. I urged him to correct that statement. "You need to decide what you want to cater to here. My vanity or my sanity."

Carolina Goldrusher 
A very chill roller coaster - I could have snapchatted the entire ride - the real story here is what happened while we were sitting outside. We noticed an abandoned cell phone was ringing and answered it since Brendan understood it was probably someone looking for the phone. I directed the caller to the roller coaster with specific instructions such as "near a bathroom" and "in front of that bush" and Kari remembered what the people sitting there looked like. She told us to look for a blonde woman but we all heard blind woman so we spent the next 5 minutes scanning the area for a woman with a walking stick or seeing eye dog. Did I mention we're idiots?

Windseeker
The outline of Charlotte looked so tiny from this high swing ride. It's an experience that makes you really appreciate the amusement people must feel when they hear the phrase "biggest city in North Carolina". The woman working this ride definitely had too much power. She got very sassy with my group for walking under the railings. I get that you're supposed to follow the intended path but these rails leading to the ride were ambitiously long. Maybe if I'd been playing Pokemon Go at the time I would have been motivated to walk the extra 10 yards but I came here for rides not Rattatas. This is Carowinds not Disney's Magic Kingdom. 30 feet of waiting area for a swing ride is excessive.

Southern Star
A pirate ship-style ride made entertaining by the woman behind us. The overhead harness almost knocked my breath out and once I recovered I realized that the lap bar was also almost painfully tight. This is not a complaint. I WANT tight harnesses on rides that go upside down. Now the woman behind us, when the ship first started swinging back and forth, seemed comforted, saying "this isn't bad, this is not bad" over an over again to what I hope was herself but may have been a fellow rider. Once the ship got closer and closer to 180 degrees, her slightly scared mantra turned into a screamed "THIS IS BAD! THIS IS BAD!" and did not stop until we were stationary again. I would love to ride every attraction with her but I understood it was only fair to share her commentary with the other attendees. 

A final point of interest - the last time I was at Carowinds the park was mainly in North Carolina. Now it seems more is in South Carolina. I'm no cartographer but it appears we have ceded some territory to the Palmetto state and they got Cinnabon in the process. Just something to think about.