Food Hacks

I am convinced that people get married and have kids just to have more cereal options. When I'm at my parents' house, I open the kitchen cabinets to Raisin Bran and Special K and Cinnamon Toast Crunch and Cheerios and more Special K. Is this how the other half lives? They used to even have 2 types of milk! Skim for my dad and 2% for the normal humans. Now it's all skim and I feel very targeted by that.

But eventually I have to go back to my house where there is usually one of two cereals in the pantry. Either Cocoa Krispies or Special K Red Berries. Maybe both if it's Christmas or my birthday. I can't afford to have 2 boxes of cereal at once! I'm not the queen of England.

Face it. Until you get married, college is the last time you will have access to a variety of cereal options. The dining hall is a magical place for that reason. And the cookies. But once they hand you that diploma (or you stop purchasing a meal plan) you can kiss Froot Loops and Trix and Apple Jacks goodbye. You're an adult now. So what's it going to be, Mini Wheats or Corn Flakes, pick one.

Think about it. Why are so many people lactose intolerant all of a sudden. We’re literally evolving past relationships. I have seen so many girls rush into marriage just so they can remember the scrape of Captain Crunch against the roof of their mouth. Serial daters? More like cereal daters. They need the security blanket of a relationship to be able to afford both the responsible grown up option like Honey Bunches of Oats and the Fruity Pebbles that they really want.

So I'm here to help. Today I'm talking food hacks, ways to save money on fine dining. If you consider Taco Bell fine dining that is. Just remember, nothing tastes as good as Taco Bell costs.


Fast Food

• 2 words. Kids' meals. If you're at a drive-through they will let you get a kids' meal. AND you get a toy. Christmas shopping for your little cousins? Done. And that's not even being cheap. Kids love Happy Meal toys. It's like their religion. And McDonald's is the biggest distributor of toys worldwide for a reason.

• Speaking of McDonald's...if you get a Happy Meal with a large drink they won't charge you for the drink upgrade. It will be $3.25. I have tried this at multiple locations with no issue, in the name of research of course.

• At McAlister's I get a kids' sandwich and it's still plenty of food for less than $4. The trick is to get it on a hoagie. If you get it on normal bread they will give you one triangle of sandwich. If you get it on a hoagie you get a sandwich that's practically as big as their regular sandwiches.

• At Chick-fil-A you can turn your kids' meal toy in for an ice cream cone.

• I find that when I get Chinese food it's almost always too much so I do the Panda Express kids' meal and...it comes with a cookie.

• At Bojangles' the kids' supremes meal is just 2 supremes instead of 4. You still get a biscuit and the same amount of fries. It comes with a small drink but a Bojangles' small is still a good size.

• Check the drink options before ordering a combo if you're brand loyal when it comes to sodas. I only drink Dr. Pepper so if a restaurant doesn't have it I will not be getting a combo.

• At Zaxby's I will get an extra piece of bread instead of cole slaw. The 4 chicken tenders combo is easily 2 meals. Maybe get some fried white cheddar bites too for good measure.

• My best fast food hack is to invest in an air fryer. It makes leftovers (especially fries) so crispy without having to wait for the oven.

Rich People Food

• At sit down dining establishments kids' meals are still an option but you will face a lower success rate. I will still ask because A) I have no shame and B) it's perfect for when you're not that hungry but want something that does not reheat well. If you do succeed in getting a kids' meal it is highly likely they will be petty and still charge you for your drink.

• The restaurants that are like in between fast food and...slow food? whatever it's called are usually pretty generous with kids' meals too. I always get kids tacos at Chipotle. It comes with some chips. That's a steal.

• You can normally skip a salad or soup for an extra side, which can really come in handy if you are trying to make 2 meals out of 1.

Rewards Programs

• Find a restaurant rewards program that is actually worth it. Let me tell you, Subway coupons suck. They're a joke. Subway will literally text me a coupon for 50 cents off. Subway got mad expensive recently, I am going to need at least $2.00 off if you want me to drive to a Subway and get out of the car, actually go in the restaurant and order. Come on now.

• I also find GrubHub to be a joke. I have gotten emails from them like 5 different times welcoming me to GrubHub and giving me a coupon code to use on my first purchase. Then when I try to use the code it says I can only use it on my first purchase. So they're dead to me just like Shari's Berries.

• Domino's actually has a good customer rewards program, if you get food delivered enough you can earn free pizzas!

Deals

• Carrabba's has an Amore Mondays menu that lets you pick soup/salad, appetizer/dessert and entree for $12.99, $15.99 or $18.99. And free bread. Always go where the free bread is.

• Several fast food places have happy hour specials or something similar. Sonic has like 5 happy hours with half priced something at each one. Arby's has happy hour from 2:00 - 5:00 PM with a dollar menu. 

• I went to a Hooters recently with half priced appetizers after 10:00 PM. I don't know if that's every location but it was a great deal. I went with a friend and we got buffalo chicken dip, pretzels & cheese, cheese sticks and cheeseburger sliders. That was way too many appetizers for 2 people but what can I say, dairy is important. 

• I will also get a kids' meal at theme parks, especially Disney. It's cheaper and often they have healthy options beyond salads. I'm all about fried food but theme park food can really bloat you and then what if the roller coaster safety bar doesn't secure over your protruding stomach? Let's err on the side of caution here.