Macdeath

A few weeks ago I made a CliffsNotes version of the book of Esther for Yom Kippur and I must say, it was a big hit. So this week I am doing CliffsNotes of Macbeth - but with a twist! Because I have never read or studied Macbeth in any capacity. Don't get me wrong, I am a nerd. Just not the "read Shakespeare that isn't assigned by a teacher" type of nerd. But I did see a performance of an abridged version of Macbeth last week. Here are my notes.

Let's start with the cast. We have witches. Dope. I'm here for it. There's also a king. And obviously there's Macbeth. Is he a king too? He has a title. He's someone. No Scrooge McDuck unfortunately. The king has a personal assistant named Malcolm which is def a stalker name. And there's also Banquo. And I think he's a fighter pilot based on his jacket even though that seems anachronistic. Lady Macbeth is like a momager. She's Kris Jenner. There's also the Macduff family but they're not much.

• Okay this guy...the king...is limping. Is that part of it or did the actor wreck his bike yesterday?
• From what I can gather, someone has died and they're giving his title to Macbeth. Is there an inheritance tax on that?
• Macbeth is both the Thane of Cawdor and Thane of Glamis? Is that like being a duchess? Does he know Meghan Markle?
• I think there is some spell casting happening. 
• I am LIVING for Lady Macbeth's outfit.
• Lady Macbeth is telling Macbeth to be a Slytherin but he's a Hufflepuff who really really really wants to be a Gryffindor.
• Oh wait someone is being assassinated, I think I missed something important.
• Macbeth is telling his wife to stop but I don't think she's gonna listen.
• There's a long speech about breastfeeding.
• There is a lot of kissing in this play, everyone is going to get mono.
• I got mono my first year of college and told my dad it must be from reading the Bible too fervently.
• I think he bought it.
• Ohhhh King Duncan got murked.
• Lady Macbeth is all about "it's 5 o'clock somewhere" homegirl is in her cups.
• Lady Macbeth says that someone looked just like her dad...do we need to call The Maury Show?
• Macbeth is totally whipped.
• Macbeth either has guilt-induced insomnia or the Italian sleeping sickness.
• Probably the former because I think he's Scottish but there is a disappointing lack of accents.
• Macbeth has obviously never listened to My Favorite Murder because he is carrying the murder weapon around with him even though he was supposed to leave it with the guards to frame them.
• Lady Macbeth has to do the framing, never send a man to do a woman's job.
• But also don't send Lady Macbeth to do a job unless that job is murder she's kind of a one-trick pony.
• I think Banquo is wasted now too.
• Is Macduff Malcolm X?
• Lady Macbeth faints as a diversion. Or maybe she had some bad haggis. Is there such a thing as good haggis?
• Now Macbeth is like the interim king...but Banquo gets to be king later? Or his son does? Are they like tag teaming it?
• Lady Macbeth is like a Teen Mom 2 producer but Macbeth suddenly has a mind of his own.
• Now we meet Lady Macduff and she is oh too late to really analyze that character she got murdered too.
• Malcolm is kind of like Lyanna Mormont. Always tryna start something.
• Macduff and Macbeth are trying to kill each other. 
• Macduff kills Macbeth and everyone claps so I guess we like Macduff.
• Macduff makes Malcolm king. 
• I did not see that coming.
• Game over.