Vaxplanation

As we all know, if there's one thing I love it's Jeff Goldblum. But if there's two things I love it's Jeff Goldblum and vaccines.

So today we're going to have a little science lesson. Let me make it clear that I do not understand science. At all. But I have friends who do and they explained this to me. So buckle up, I'm Ms. Frizzle now.

Basically, viruses are like house plants. So your body makes some little Rachels to kill them. Your body also makes this chemical called interferon when it recognizes a virus. And interferon's job is to make life real miserable for the house plants so they will want to leave. The interferon is bullying the house plants and in the process, it also makes you feel like poop.

But then eventually, you get better! Or you die. When I got my flu shot, my body made A TON of interferon because the flu shot acts like a fake house plant. It's not really a house plant but your immune system is a dog (or a guest) who is a little stupid, so your immune system is like "it's a house plant! Attack!" and then starts mass producing interferon. This leads to some people believing that the flu shot gave them the flu. That is not how any of this works. If you have a really strong immune system you can easily have a strong reaction to the flu shot.

And if y'all thought I was dramatic...you should have seen how my body overreacted to the influenza vaccine. Good news is, you can still read about it.

I got a flu shot at Walgreens and I was totally fine aside from my arm being miserably sore. And I got the shot in my right arm because I'm an idiot so I was constantly reminded of my own stupidity. I felt fine when I went to bed but I woke up at 3:00 AM with extreme chills, I was shivering, could not get back to sleep I was so cold. I was wrapped in one fuzzy blanket and my comforter and pulled my arm out to grab my phone to check the time. Just that made my teeth chatter. 

I knew I had to do something. The only thing I could think of (besides the weighted blanket that was all the way in Emily's room because it IS Emily's blanket) was my raccoon onesie. So I kept shaking for a good 20 minutes, working up the courage to go get my onesie from my closet.

I finally darted into my closet and zipped up the onesie over my icicle corpse. I grabbed some fuzzy socks too for good measure. I wrapped myself up into a fuzzy blanket and comforter burrito and texted Emily something real dramatic like "come see me before you leave for work, if I live into the morning" since work was cancelled for me due to Hurricane Michael.

Astonishingly, I lived. I woke up around 6:00 AM and I wasn't shaking anymore but I did still feel like I was dying. Horrible headache and fatigue all over. I took some Advil and a nap and woke up to discover that I had survived.

Naturally, everyone was really concerned.

I am happy to still be in the land of the living and if anyone needs any medical scenarios explained to them I think this blog post proves that I'm your girl. If, however, you need a plant watered, you are barking up the wrong plastic ficus.