Instead, I'm going to hurl my desires out into the universe and see what happens. A coworker does this activity with her students where they list 7 traits they need in a partner, 7 things that are negotiable and then 7 that are dealbreakers. I decided to do the assignment too, kind of like a vision board. Why not put the qualities I most admire in a man out, a pulse and a paycheck, out there.
So obviously it is important to me that the guy I date be a Christian. Preferably a Baptist but I am willing to accept a Methodist at this point. Pentecostals need not apply.
Also, I am sick and tired of guys on dating apps saying they plan to never get married. Go to Craigslist then! Let me and my people have Bumble.
And I need a guy to be older than me. It's like the one thing I'm really shallow about. Well, that and him being very, very wealthy.
This fictional man also needs to have some sort of plan, none of this "I'm traveling for a few years" or "I'll probably work at KFC forever" nonsense. I mean, KFC is delicious but most KFCs near me don't even offer Dr. Pepper so that's not going to work.
My dream guy will love or probably just tolerate the fact that I have to sing along with songs. I can't just listen to music. That would be like just window shopping. No thanks.
When given the option of beach or mountains, the future Mr. Rachel Daniel should at least 9 times out of 10 choose the beach. There's less nature, less bugs, less craft breweries in my experience it's just an all-around better time.
Finally, and I cannot stress this enough, I am going to need my back scratched frequently. Some people (Missy) think I just want the diva treatment but honestly, hand to God, my back just itches a lot. I'm not Inspector Gadget there's only so much I can reach.
Wanting a lot of kids is negotiable for me. I would like 6-8 but I would be okay with 4 and then some adoption. I'm very accommodating that way.
Drinking is also up in the air. I personally don't drink but most of my past boyfriends have enjoyed an occasional beer, including but not limited to the functioning alcoholics.
Pets inside the house? I am not a fan. It's not a dealbreaker per se but I wear a lot of black. Any brown or white dog hair is a no from me. A fish inside? That I can overlook.
Being pro-Israel is negotiable because I am fine with my future spouse supporting a two-state solution as long as the land ceded for Palestine comes from present-day Jordan and Jerusalem belongs solely to Israel. And they say I'm stubborn, pshhh.
A guy who is bad at social media is not immediately a no. I don't like sappy social media posts, I don't like asking for advice on social media and I really don't like food Instagram pics. But as long as his grammar is good I can live with all that.
The outdoors. My old nemesis. I don't mind a guy who likes to fish or go camping. But please note, I will not be camping, barring a lobotomy. And hunting trips that leave me alone with multiple kids all weekend will be rarer than an albino deer.
And finally, unless you have a PhD in English, your opinion on the Oxford comma does not trump my journalism degree. Deal with it.
I cannot abide by drug use. And for the guys who always ask...yes weed counts. Duh.
My children will be vaccinated. And my grandchildren. And their children. And their children's children.
A Patriots fan is obviously not going to work. Anyone who thinks Ben Roethlisberger is not at the very least guilty of sexual assault, also not going to work.
Bad texters. I can't. I just can't. I NEED ATTENTION OR I WILL DIE. How many times do I have to say that? And if you have read receipts on...you better be on your A game.
I will not be dating a vegan. Ever. Not even if a chicken or pig or cow's life depended on it. Two words. Cheese sticks.
Someone flaky is not going to work with my Type A personality. I don't cancel plans, I don't arrive late and I don't date frosted flakes.
If you like twentyonepilots...no. Just no.
I know I seem pretty demanding but look. I've been through a lot. Here is a list of some of the dumb reasons I have been rejected.
- I was too sarcastic.
- I wrote about thinking another guy was cute on my blog.
- I'm too excitable.
- I lived too far away (there was a 20 minute commute from his place to mine).
- I like to play guessing games.
- I wasn't his wife.
- I would not mail him a $200 gift card.
- I believe that the Holocaust happened.
I think I deserve better. I mean like - just barely, but still. Asking for more than a Holocaust denier is not being "too picky" @ male co-workers and family members.
That is all.
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