Wednesday, March 13, 2019

Saint Pat's Day

Some of you may know my grandpa. He is probably the best human I know. Between Colby and Patrick, he puts up with a lot so he's lucky he has me.

He makes the best cookies, scratches my back, always has Reese's and ice cream, he keeps up with the Kardashians...his only downfall is that he won't talk crap about people with me. He's one of those "I don't hate anybody" types which is super annoying because other than that he's perfect.

But a few weeks ago he really outdid himself. It all started weeks ago when I hit a deer. You may remember that. My appointment to get my hood repaired was scheduled for a Monday so my grandfather met me at the body shop and drove me to Enterprise so I could get my rental car.

I had asked my grandfather that Friday if he would be available to help me and he let me know he had Monday off. He's retired.

I laid all the groundwork. Made a reservation, contacted the adjuster to see how much coverage I had, contacted Enterprise to make sure that $30 coverage was enough to rent a car, gathered various auto insurance papers and policies. Adulting is hard but I make it look even harder.

We met at the body shop, dropped off my car, he drove me to Enterprise, I thanked him for driving me, dismissed him from my service and headed inside to get a rental. And that's where the trouble started.

When Enterprise pulled up my reservation, they had on file that I had $15 of coverage a day. If you were taught math before they introduced the common core curriculum, you know that is HALF of what I was promised. 15 whole dollars less than what my adjuster told me I had.

Luckily I had to email from the adjuster on my phone that said my coverage was $30 so Enterprise agreed to honor that as long as I called the adjuster to double check and straighten things out. I love playing phone tag (the only tag that doesn't involve cardio) so I was pumped. The Enterprise guy told me there were 3 cars for me to choose from (in a lot of roughly a dozen). A white Ford sedan similar to the Chevy Cruze that's so nice I bought it twice. A Subaru crossover situation and a little Miata. Which is a sports car.

After glancing at all the cars in the parking lot I chose the Subaru and was informed that would be $15 a day out of pocket. Out of pocket is one of my least favorite phrases. It's right up there with creamed corn and keep your eyes peeled. Gross.

Did I need a car to drive to work? Yes. Did I have to leave Enterprise with a car because I hastily dismissed my grandfather and Pittsboro isn't exactly a metropolitan mecca that offers public transportation or Ubers? Yes. Was there any universe in which I was going to pay $15 a day when my parents have an extra car, my grandparents have an extra car and as the oldest child I think my brother would have to sacrifice his should I need it? NOPE.

So I asked if the Ford and the Miata were the same price as the Subaru. And was told the Ford would be $5 a day, the Miata would be $3. Decision made. I said "Miata it is" although I am curious as to how these 3 cars were all presented to me if they had vastly different prices. He hooked me up, told me I should probably sit in the car and make sure I like it first. I declined. It was the cheapest option. Therefore the only option.

As I drove to work I realized...I did completely hate this car. It was tiny. Blindspot a mile wide. Beeped at me for having my book bag in the passenger seat, meanwhile there is no backseat so where did it expect me to put it? I couldn't figure out how to change the radio station. It had push to start technology so I had to Google how to even turn it on. But at $2 less than any other option...I was sold.

While at work I emailed the adjuster who promptly responded 5 hours later to inform me that he gave me the wrong figure the first time. I had $15 of coverage all along. His reaction to ruining my life? "My apologies on the mix up." THANKS CLINT.

So for the second time that day,  my grandfather drove to Pittsboro to hep me return the worst car ever made. He waited 30 minutes as the Enterprise guy was so helpful and offered to let me use the Subaru FOR FREE because my adjuster was an idiot. But I had made up my mind that I would drive my mom's old van because I was terrified of having an accident in the rental car.

Some of you may remember that my grandpa had also hit a deer shortly before I did. His car is still in the shop! The same place mine is. He said the issue right now is that it might be totaled, there was some further internal damage that might equal 75% of the cost of the vehicle. I kind of like the concept of being totaled. I have decided that if I get into an accident in a rental car, I will just consider myself totaled. Because there is no world where I am going to pay $15 a day for all-inclusive insurance. If I get in a wreck in a rental car, the Lord has just decided that it is my time. I'll take that big L in the sky.

Not only did my grandpa help me get a rental car, and then exchange it for my parents' van when Clint ruined my life, but he also drove my brother back to the body shop to pick my car up when it was finished. What an angel. And when I tried to give him a token of my appreciation...a $10 Chick-fil-A gift card that I took from my parents' house, he declined.

If that doesn't qualify you for sainthood, I don't know what does.

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