It's finally my favorite season. Not spring, basketball season. I've lived in North Carolina all my life so of course I love basketball and being part of the best men's college basketball conference known to man and Doris Burke. The Dook/UNC rivalry is the greatest in all of sports and if you think that the Aunt Becky admissions scandal was bad, you should check out the standards (or lack thereof) for SEC athletes.
As much as I love basketball (and Manu Ginobili and Kevin Love and Shane Battier and Chris Andersen and Pau Gasol) I A) understand that some people don't care for it and B) love putting any and everything into a bracket system.
I think it's because I'm a mathematical thinker so I love ranking things. I am constantly asking my family members who their favorite is and I get some pretty rude answers.
Last year I made a Real Housewives bracket that was a ton of fun, but this year I wanted to broaden my appeal. So I bracketed something we can all get behind. Law & Order: SVU guest stars!
First we have the OSC, Old School Conference, seasons 1 - 5. A young Abigail Breslin is the rightful 1 seed but TV heroes John Ritter, Henry Winkler and Denis O'Hare give her a run for her money. In the end it's Marlee Matlin, a doctor who specializes in black market kidneys and Detective John Munch, who makes it to the final four.
Here come the Heavy Hitters, some big names appeared in seasons 6 - 10. Our beloved number 1 seed Marcia Gay Harden as Agent Dana Lewis makes it to the end but she gets some challenges from school girl Hayden Panettiere, multiple personalitied Cynthia Nixon and Casey Anthony parallel/anti-vax victim Hilary Duff.
Moving on to Prime Time, seasons 11 - 15 featured Questlove fulfilling his lifelong guest star dream by playing a corpse, T.R. Knight as good twin/evil twin and Kathy Griffin as...well Kathy Griffin if she were an activist instead of a comedienne. Number 1 Rose McGowan's incestuous con artist is upset by Jennifer Love Hewitt, whose emotional portrayal of a repeat rape victim started a dialogue about statutes of limitations.
Rounding out our tournament are the Latest and Greatest, the most recent seasons that put some big names on our small screens. Patti Lupone, Brooke Shields, Whoopi Goldberg and Leslie Odom, Jr. all had impressive turns on the show but in the end, 1 seed Joe Biden conquers all. The former vice president joined our beloved Olivia as himself, speaking out against the serious issue of rape kit backlogs.
In the big dance, it's just Marcia Gay Harden and Jennifer Love Hewitt. Who will win? The FBI agent or the embattled victim?
In the end there could always only be one. Marcia Gay Harden! CUT! THE! NET! We stan an undercover queen. Dana Lewis first graced our screens as she infiltrated a white supremacist group. So she's an actress...playing a character...who is ACTING. It's levels to this. Next, she gets Olivia to go undercover to stop some eco-terrorists who also dabble in chemical terrorism. THEN she reluctantly comes to Olivia for help after being raped as revenge for one of the neo-nazis.
And I'm not going to speak on what the writers did to her in season 14 because as far as I am concerned that is not canon fight me.
Here's the full, impossible to read at this size, bracket.
This post is officially sponsored by Munch and Fin, cat brothers named after the dedicated detectives who investigate these vicious felonies.
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