As everyone who doesn't live beyond the wall knows, the final season of Game of Thrones is upon us. Different sites have been predicting what will happen, who will die and what shade of red Sansa's hair will be. I think a tasteful magenta would be nice. I have many ideas for the final season. Most of those ideas involve the resurrection of Khal Drogo, him declaring his undying love for me, us living happily ever after and Margaery's death being just a bad dream.
I am not hopeful that these will come to fruition. But - I do have some wishes that may be granted.
Return of Ellaria Sand
Ellaria is probably my favorite living character. She's just so spunky. And murderous. I think the only person she would really want to maim or kill is Cersei which I am totally in favor of. I wouldn't mind Ellaria sitting on the Iron Throne. Or at the very least ruling Dorne in a more official manner.
Theon Rescues Yara
Or Yara can rescue herself. I know everyone wants a redemption arc for Theon but let's face it...a lot of men are weak and Yara isn't really a damsel in distress.I would like for Yara to kill Euron. I think what I hate most about Euron is that he thinks people want to marry him. Nah bruh. Maybe Ellaria can help kill Euron, it would be like a fun girls' day! Mani/pedis after.
Wun Wun Resurrected
Melisandre is still alive. Wun Wun isn't. Hmmm...the possibilities. I need Wun Wun back. And everyone I know has refused to buy me the Wun Wun Funko Pop. I think of Wun Wun as the Chewbacca to Tormund's Han Solo. Or what if Wun Wun is reanimated as a wight by the Night King but then he sees Jon and his love for his friend breaks the spell and his eyes turn...whatever color they are that's not blue...and love defeats the white walkers? Talk about a Win Win. See what I did there?
Gendya? Aryendry?
Gendry + Arya. They're in love right? It's totally Twelfth Night. Jon and Gendry will be bro in laws and it will be adorable. Gendry will make Arya some wedding armor by hand. I stan this.
Nymeria's Revenge
Where is Nymeria? Apparently she has her own wolfpack now and they weren't doing much this basketball season so what have they been up to? I want Nymeria to join Arya and probably eat someone connected to the Lannisters. For Lady.
BFFs: Jorah, Bronn & Davos
Would these 3 be adorable or what? I would love for them to be the best of friends. Maybe form a boy band. The sky's the limit. A cute sitcom? Three men and a little lady. Arya goes to live with them and they all train her to be a great warrior but also have to help her find a training bra and buy tampons. I love it.
Clegane Death Match
The Hound must win. Sandor needs revenge on his pyro brother and I need revenge for Oberyn. And Elia. And I just really really really want the Mountain dead. Maybe Gregor is trying to protect Cersei, but Sandor confronts them and then Jaime walks into the room. Cersei is like yay my sexy brother is here to save me but then Jaime is like guess again and starts fighting Cersei while the Hound fights the Mountain! And Cersei is like "wut?" and I'm like "LOL!"
Jaime + Brienne 5ever
Are they in love? I want them to be in love. When they are on screen together I chant "kiss, kiss, kiss, kiss!" Brienne is a master at making men feel insecure, love her for that. Masculinity is so fragile because Brienne isn't even masculine, she's a total babe she's just stronger and taller than most guys. But we have to marry Tormund off first or he will die of a broken heart.
Less Bran, More Everything Else
I'll say it. I don't care about Bran. If he gets revenge on Jaime that's all fine and good but I like Jaime now so...let's not do anything rash.
Missandei and Grey Worm Going to the Chapel
They need to marry. I actually really want them to have kids but I don't think that can happen. I did get sex ed in public school but still...I'm pretty confident about this. I was thinking they could get married and then their kids could be the grey worms and it would be like the sand snakes and it would be a whole thing. Cute right?
Cersei's Slow and Painful Death
Honestly as long as this happens I will be happy. And it doesn't even have to Jaime who kills her. I don't care who kills her I just want it to be excruciating. If I don't get a death worthy of the most evil character to ever appear onscreen (I said what I said) I am not above writing fan fiction that includes the death I want.
So HBO, these are my terms and conditions. Now bend the knee.
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