Jacob & Rachel fell in love at first sight even though that is dumb. And they are cousins. What is one thing the Old Testament and Game of Thrones have in common? Iain Glen! And lots of incest.
They went to Rachel’s father Laban and Jacob promised to work for Laban for 7 years just so he could marry Rachel. Meanwhile I had to buy my own kid's meal on a date with a reporter. Like dude. I have seen you on TV! I know you can afford the $3.75 for my grilled cheese and apple juice.
Laban had an older daughter named Leah. Rachel was obviously beautiful but Leah just had a good personality. After 7 years full of annoying hashtags (#cousinlovin) and Instagram countdowns, the wedding finally happened. Once the bride removed her veil Jacob realized he had been tricked. It was Leah, not Rachel. And you think you’ve been catfished?
Laban had plotted to get Leah married off first since she was older and she was like a 2 but Rachel was a 10. Jacob still wanted Rachel so he promised to work another 7 years for Laban. Those 7 years felt like a day because he loved Rachel so much. After 14 long years they were finally married. Kate Middleton probably feels better now.
Leah began having a lot of sons, she was like octomom. But Rachel couldn’t get pregnant and it made her very sad. After a long time she finally got pregnant and she named her son Joseph. He was totally spoiled and Jacob’s favorite. He was like the Colby of the family. Rachel even made him a fetching coat of many colors, just ask Dolly Parton.
Then Rachel got pregnant again because Mesopotamia was comparable to rural Alabama in terms of birth control accessibility. While the family was traveling to Canaan Rachel went into labor. There were no doctors present, not because she was a hippie but because doctors didn't exist back then.
Rachel died in childbirth and named the baby Ben Oni which means son of my mourning. That kid would probably need therapy later in life. But Jacob changed his name to Ben Yamin which probably means son of the right.
And I do not support men literally going over their wives' dead bodies and renaming babies but I think it was probably for the best here.
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