TikWhat?

I know that a lot of my readers (and fans in general) look to me for all the latest pop culture and social media trends.

You were there for so many of my hot takes on trends through the years:

• tiny sunglasses "why? I say the bigger the better, the less of my face you can see the better I look"
• Instagram "Twiter for the illiterate masses"
• crunchy peanut butter "peanuts exist in both solid (peanut) and liquid (peanut butter) form, just pick one"
• Reddit "the sole source of my will to live"
• paisley "literally why? if you want to look at cells on a microscopic level try biology, not fashion"

But there are some trends in technology that I just don't understand. Today I am going to explain a new viral phenomenon that I really know nothing about. And that's TikTok. Now I am not a TikTok connoisseur. What is the user base called? Clocks? I like Tic Tacs but according to my students that is unrelated.

To get my footing, I had some of my students write words related to TikTok and created a word map.

The thing that stands out to me here is that, based on the size of these words, several of my students felt that the terms "tik" and "tok" really described TikTok. Thanks guys.

Next I interviewed my brother. He's up to date on the electronic trends of the youths. I know this because he is constantly using phrases I don't understand like "pro-gamer move" and "what a bot" and "I have plans with my friends." So I asked him some questions about TikTok. My questions will be bold. And also they are the ones that end in question marks.


How old are you?
>15

Can you prove that?
>Yes

Are you familiar with TikTok?
>Yeah

Can I get more than a 1 word answer?
>No

Explain TikTok to me as if I'm a really stupid person.
>People post videos and stuff & other people see it and like it and follow each other.

How is this different from Instagram or Facebook?
>It's only videos. It's like Vine 2.0.

So did TikTok murder Vine so that it could steal the crown?
>No. There were a few years in between them.

Well there are 11 years between us but you still replaced me as Dad's favorite.
>That's tough.

Do you like TikTok?
>No

Why not?
>It's a lot of stupid dances.

And yet you love Fortnite...care to explain?
>It's different.

Disagree but okay.
>It's different because...

That's all we have time for.
>Are you leaving?

Yeah. Leaving this conversation.

That wasn't too helpful. He should definitely leave the teaching to me. I needed further info. So I interviewed a student that is apparently the queen of TikTok.


What do you make TikToks about?
>The dancing trends.

Who starts these dancing trends? Fred & Ginger?
>Who are Fred & Ginger?

What makes people famous on TikTok?
>Them being really pretty, you can be a bad dancer but if you're cute it's fine.

So I shouldn't make a TikTok?
>Yeah.

Do people make money off TikTok?
>Yeah they do.

How?
>They get sponsorships like influencers or paid by TikTok.

How does TikTok make money? Isn't it free?
>By like...the brand being popular.

Look, if you got paid for popularity...no, never mind, my life would pretty much be the same.
>Honestly how do they get paid? That's a good question.

Does TikTok have a time limit? Like can I make a 10 minute video explaining the differences between crows and ravens because I find that fascinating?
>I think it's like a minute.

How do you know who to follow?
>There's a "for you" page.

How do they know what to put on that page? Do you think they're working with the NSA?
>I think so.

Do I understand TikTok now? Not really. My big takeaway is that my students encouraged me to make TikToks which means it's probably a bad idea. I'll stick to Tic Tacs.