Elijah was a prophet that God used to turn the people of Israel away from King Ahab and his false god Baal. Ahab's wife Jezebel was like Baal's hype man. She proves that you can take the girl out of Phoenicia, but you can't take the Phoenicia out of the girl, am I right?
God sent Elijah to tell King Ahab that no rain would fall for 3 years. Ahab didn’t even sweat it because he didn’t believe in God. But kind of like how not believing in mosquitoes doesn't mean you will never get bitten, not believing in God does not negate His existence. And God don’t lie so He sent Elijah to an area where he would be safe and have water while the drought was happening.
God also sent Elijah to a woman who would feed him, but the woman was almost out of flour and oil. This is probably where I would have headed out. No bread? Thanks but no thanks God, I will take my chances on the road. But the woman made bread for Elijah anyway and the Lord provided for her and her son by giving them free refills like McDonald’s. I mean technically her son did die but God brought him back to life so it’s all Gucci.
God sends Elijah back to Ahab to tell him rain is coming. Ahab was like "Elijah this is all your fault, we are straight up not having a good time because you play too much." This is called gaslighting by way of projection. Luckily Elijah had put in years of hard work with his therapist so he didn't fall for Ahab's crap and he challenged him. Your god versus my God. Mt. Carmel. Rap battle. Just kidding. Fire battle. Which is even cooler.
The first altar to catch fire would prove their god’s existence. The prophets of Baal cried out to him but their altar remained unburnt. Elijah had jokes and said “maybe y’all just need to be louder, Baal might be sleeping” but when the prophets got louder nothing happened.
When it was Elijah’s turn he built his altar and soaked it in water. The crowd was shocked because A - water is a hot commodity in the desert and B - water is a notoriously bad incendiary. They had all passed fifth grade science and knew damp wood is not very flammable. But once Elijah cried out to God the altar burst into flames. Everyone watching believed that Elijah’s God was real. Elijah prayed to God to end the drought and after a lot of cloud watching, there was finally a tiny cloud in the distance. I hear it looked like a pony.
There was a ton of rain and Jezebel was big mad because Baal is exposed, Elijah had receipts and everything. #Baaliscancelledparty was trending on Twitter. So Elijah has to run away because Jezebel is tryna fight him but he won't hit a girl.
Elijah is just chilling and minding his own business but then Ahab decides that he really wants a vineyard. His "god" can't turn water into wine so he had to get creative. Instead of hiring a real estate agent in Napa, he decides to take some other guy's vineyard. By having the vineyard owner put to death. Weird flex but not okay.
Elijah can't just sit back and let that happen so he publicly denounces Ahab. Probably on Twitter. Ahab's son gets sick and prays for Baal to heal him but Baal is an anti-vaxxer and he can't do anything.
A lot of other stuff happened to Elijah after that. He really went for the hipster lifestyle for a bit and was off the grid. Elijah finally appoints Elisha as his successor. I guess he was worried no one would be able to learn a new name and thought this would make the transition easier. Instead of dying he just shoots up to heaven on a gust of wind. Naturally.
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