Does anyone else frequently tell their friends the same stories only to be interrupted halfway through by complaints because they claim to hear that story every week. Well excuse me for not having an interesting life, it's not my fault nothing exciting ever happens to me! And you know that once something halfway out of the ordinary actually does happen to me, I'm just gonna add that story into the current rotation, so be careful what you wish for.
Along with stories I tell "every week" there are certain conversations I have every week. You would think these exchanges would get old after a while but I can assure you, they don't. I have recorded these conversations below. You will see my words in black and everyone else's in purple. Enjoy.
With my BFF
"Is it summer yet?
No.
Are you sure?
Yes.
Man. That sucks.
I know."
"I don't want to read.
I don't want to study.
Let's drop out of college and be gypsies.
Ok."
"Are we trophy wives yet?
Well, we're not married so I don't think so.
Dern."
"Boys are stupid.
So are sorority girls.
And everyone.
I hate people.
Me too."
"Is it Friday yet?
I vote yes.
Glad that's settled."
With my Roomates
"We really need to take the trash out.
Yeah, we really do.
...no one moves..."
"We're out of milk, bread, toilet paper, dog food and chocolate.
And juice and paper towels and bownie mix.Wanna go to WalMart?"
Nah. I don't feel like wearing pants."
"I have a test tomorrow and a paper due Wednesday.
I have a paper due tomorrow, an exam Tuesday and a project due Thursday.
Wanna watch Mean Girls?
Totally."
With my Parents
"Night.
Night."
"There was a shooting in San Francisco, which is basically the Chapel Hill of the West Coast. Are you ok?
Yes Mom, I'm fine."
"How are your classes going?
Fine.
How are your grades?
Cs get degrees."
"Oh my gosh are you okay? Text me or call me ASAP I'm worried.
I'm fine, why?
I didn't hear from you last night.
Wow."
"I miss you, I'm worried about you, I need to hear from you.
Then why don't you call me or text me?
...cricket..."
"I need y'all to put more money in my account, rent is due tomorrow.
...no reply..."
With my Classmates
"Did you do the reading?
Nope."
"Have you started that paper due tomorrow?
Nope."
"Did you know we have a project due tonight?
Nope."
"Have you started studying for that test Friday?
Is it Thursday night?
No.
Then nope."
Wednesday, September 25, 2013
Wednesday, September 18, 2013
Advice For College Freshmen Part 1: Lower Your Expectations
Now that I've been back in school for a month and have had plenty of time to make fun of all the freshmen walking around campus with their orientation lanyards and naive optimism, I actually feel sorry for them and want to help. What can I say? I'm a giver. I am sharing the 3 biggest misconceptions I had about college when I was a freshman. I finally know now what everyone else around me has known for years...that I'm an idiot. So don't follow in my footsteps freshmen, wake up every single day with the goal to not be as hopelessly pathetic as I was, which shouldn't be too hard.
Mistake # 1 I thought I would get much smarter.
I remember being so confused in classes my freshman year, just having no idea what was going on and thinking hey, it can only get better from here. First semester of my freshman year I took a Intro to Public Policy. To this day I still don't know what public policy is. In my defense, I continually ask other people what it is, and they don't know either! Anyways, at that time I was so sure that as I finished general education classes and moved on to my actual major and area of interest I would understand the subject material better. This was my first mistake. Every year I manage to not get kicked out of college, I only get more and more confused in my classes. I realized this was a trend earlier this semester when I found out that all of the girls who speak up, understand and actually do the readings in my social justice class are sophomores. I hadn't even had a college political science class when I was their age and here they are lapping me on the philosophical doctrines of Plato and Nozick. My mistake was over-estimating myself, since then I have adjusted my expectations accordingly. And I can assure that Cs, do indeed, get degrees.
Mistake # 2 I thought I would love my roommate.
Another major misconception I had about college...I for some reason thought that I would quickly become best friends with my roommate. I tried to keep myself realistic and realize that we probably wouldn't be actual best friends until like day 3, but I was totally unprepared for what I actually discovered. Everyone has different talents. Some people are good at math, some people are good at art, other people are good at knowing which scent of hand soap to buy at Bath and Body Works, and some people just have a knack for getting really crappy roommates. In case you couldn't guess, I'm the last one. In retrospect, my roommate freshman year wasn't so bad. It just took me living through the misery that was my sophomore year roommate to realize that. Now, both of my roommates were perfectly nice girls. I would just rather shave my head bald than have to live with either of them again.
My freshman year roommate just had a weird work schedule so she would come home at like 3 in the morning and sleep till at least 12, not too bad. Of course there was that one time that she left broken glass all over my rug, that was sweet of her. She also may have punched a hole in our suite's bathroom window. The worst part was that she was a vegetarian, so our room, especially her stuff, had a certain funk to it. An inescapable funk. To this day I still don't trust vegetarians, although to be fair, I never really have.
But this was nothing compared to the torture that was sophomore year. My roommate was actually insane. To this day I swear she was majoring in Netflix, I only saw her doing actual work twice during the year. Other than that, she basically stayed on her laptop watching entire seasons of shows at a time. She was in our room about 99% of the time and went to bed around 9 every night only to wake up at 10 or 11 the next morning. This was all pretty minor stuff. What was particularly enraging was her attitude. She was fond of slamming doors and often called her parents to talk crap about me. But the final straw was about a week before the end of the school year.
I was sitting on her bed because I had several friends over watching a movie and there was nowhere else to sit. I didn't think she would care and didn't think she would be coming back that day. She walks in, sees me, leaves her suitcase, walks back out. My friends all make jokes about how she is going to kill me but they aren't so much joking as they are warning me to leave the state. Long story short, one week before we were moving out of the room forever and she will never sleep in a twin extra long bed again, she bought an entire new set of bedding. She said that I knew how she felt about germs and that I was so disrespectful. I knew she liked for things to be clean but I had no idea she had an actual psychological disorder. I mean she should have brought me a doctor's note or something. Needless to say, we never spoke again and lived happily ever after.
Mistake # 3 I thought I would make friends.
This one was probably the best let down. I have made less than a dozen new friends in college that I spend time with every week. Now granted, had I gone to another college this could have changed. But I was lucky enough to come to college with several of my best friends from high school. We're all still best friends. And I wouldn't have it any other way. But honestly. I really should have known that regardless of the circumstances, I wasn't going to make new friends in college. It took me long enough to trick my current friends into socializing with me, way longer than the four short years I have here.
Mistake # 1 I thought I would get much smarter.
I remember being so confused in classes my freshman year, just having no idea what was going on and thinking hey, it can only get better from here. First semester of my freshman year I took a Intro to Public Policy. To this day I still don't know what public policy is. In my defense, I continually ask other people what it is, and they don't know either! Anyways, at that time I was so sure that as I finished general education classes and moved on to my actual major and area of interest I would understand the subject material better. This was my first mistake. Every year I manage to not get kicked out of college, I only get more and more confused in my classes. I realized this was a trend earlier this semester when I found out that all of the girls who speak up, understand and actually do the readings in my social justice class are sophomores. I hadn't even had a college political science class when I was their age and here they are lapping me on the philosophical doctrines of Plato and Nozick. My mistake was over-estimating myself, since then I have adjusted my expectations accordingly. And I can assure that Cs, do indeed, get degrees.
Mistake # 2 I thought I would love my roommate.
Another major misconception I had about college...I for some reason thought that I would quickly become best friends with my roommate. I tried to keep myself realistic and realize that we probably wouldn't be actual best friends until like day 3, but I was totally unprepared for what I actually discovered. Everyone has different talents. Some people are good at math, some people are good at art, other people are good at knowing which scent of hand soap to buy at Bath and Body Works, and some people just have a knack for getting really crappy roommates. In case you couldn't guess, I'm the last one. In retrospect, my roommate freshman year wasn't so bad. It just took me living through the misery that was my sophomore year roommate to realize that. Now, both of my roommates were perfectly nice girls. I would just rather shave my head bald than have to live with either of them again.
My freshman year roommate just had a weird work schedule so she would come home at like 3 in the morning and sleep till at least 12, not too bad. Of course there was that one time that she left broken glass all over my rug, that was sweet of her. She also may have punched a hole in our suite's bathroom window. The worst part was that she was a vegetarian, so our room, especially her stuff, had a certain funk to it. An inescapable funk. To this day I still don't trust vegetarians, although to be fair, I never really have.
But this was nothing compared to the torture that was sophomore year. My roommate was actually insane. To this day I swear she was majoring in Netflix, I only saw her doing actual work twice during the year. Other than that, she basically stayed on her laptop watching entire seasons of shows at a time. She was in our room about 99% of the time and went to bed around 9 every night only to wake up at 10 or 11 the next morning. This was all pretty minor stuff. What was particularly enraging was her attitude. She was fond of slamming doors and often called her parents to talk crap about me. But the final straw was about a week before the end of the school year.
I was sitting on her bed because I had several friends over watching a movie and there was nowhere else to sit. I didn't think she would care and didn't think she would be coming back that day. She walks in, sees me, leaves her suitcase, walks back out. My friends all make jokes about how she is going to kill me but they aren't so much joking as they are warning me to leave the state. Long story short, one week before we were moving out of the room forever and she will never sleep in a twin extra long bed again, she bought an entire new set of bedding. She said that I knew how she felt about germs and that I was so disrespectful. I knew she liked for things to be clean but I had no idea she had an actual psychological disorder. I mean she should have brought me a doctor's note or something. Needless to say, we never spoke again and lived happily ever after.
Mistake # 3 I thought I would make friends.
This one was probably the best let down. I have made less than a dozen new friends in college that I spend time with every week. Now granted, had I gone to another college this could have changed. But I was lucky enough to come to college with several of my best friends from high school. We're all still best friends. And I wouldn't have it any other way. But honestly. I really should have known that regardless of the circumstances, I wasn't going to make new friends in college. It took me long enough to trick my current friends into socializing with me, way longer than the four short years I have here.
Wednesday, September 11, 2013
Ultimate Girl Heroes: Harry Potter Edition
Am I the only one who frequently leaves all of my homework for Sunday night, only to realize that ABC Family Channel is having a Harry Potter weekend? I then try to skim dense readings on utilitarianism and game theory while watching the series in its entirety. Needless to say, not a lot of work gets done. (What television takes away from my studies, Wikipedia always manages to make up for.) Well, that happened to me this weekend and inspired me to write a Harry Potter edition of Ultimate Girl Heroes, because who among us is not still waiting for our acceptance letter to Hogwarts?
Luna Lovegood
Everyone's favorite Ravenclaw, your child-like innocence is so endearing that you have many friends. You definitely make your own rules and dance to the rhythm of weird. I can't quite decide if you're albino, but after a year I stopped caring and decided I like you anyway.
Hermione Granger
You're likely the smartest person in all of your classes and while you take pride in that, you don't rub it in everyone's face.You may be the only female in history to ever be friendzoned, but don't worry. Your guy best friend will wake up. Eventually.
Bellatrix Lestrange
I know what you're thinking, Bellatrix is a bad guy, so why would she be anyone's hero? While I will admit that Bellatrix is 100% pure evil, she is also 10000000% pure awesome. Helena Bonham Carter is a rockstar. But I digress. You are a powerful force with a dark side.Okay, actually you're all dark side. You will turn against your family and friends in an instant. But you do have some fabulous hair.
Minerva McGonagall
The woman. The legend. You are the ultimate teacher. You run a tight ship yet still manage to show compassion. A force to be reckoned with, you love to help others hone their crafts. You love being a team player yet don't mind taking the reins when necessary. No one takes Quidditch more seriously than you, and you understand the importance of crushing Slytherin at every opportunity.
Ginny Weasley
I just don't get you. I mean you're fine, nice enough, decent looking. You have no discernible personality and make every situation infinitely more awkward. But for some reason you capture the heart of the chosen one. Warning: with so many protective older brothers, I'm afraid a Miley rebellion could be in your future, please don't.
Molly Weasley
Your patronus is a lioness because you're constantly looking out for your family. You are friendly to everyone, but if someone tries to hurt the ones you love, they better watch out. You also understand the importance of stretching a galleon and know that hand-me-downs make the world go round.
Nymphadora Tonks
As a tomboy who goes by your last name, you spend your time keeping up with the boys. You understand that you can't always trust your family, so you surround yourself with friends. You were lucky enough to find true love and start a family, but you are always willing to risk your life for what you believe in. So what if your hair inspiration is Nicki Minaj?
*Happy September 11th everyone. Don't let today be filled with sadness but with pride to be a citizen of the greatest country in the world. Merica.
Luna Lovegood
Everyone's favorite Ravenclaw, your child-like innocence is so endearing that you have many friends. You definitely make your own rules and dance to the rhythm of weird. I can't quite decide if you're albino, but after a year I stopped caring and decided I like you anyway.
Hermione Granger
You're likely the smartest person in all of your classes and while you take pride in that, you don't rub it in everyone's face.You may be the only female in history to ever be friendzoned, but don't worry. Your guy best friend will wake up. Eventually.
Bellatrix Lestrange
I know what you're thinking, Bellatrix is a bad guy, so why would she be anyone's hero? While I will admit that Bellatrix is 100% pure evil, she is also 10000000% pure awesome. Helena Bonham Carter is a rockstar. But I digress. You are a powerful force with a dark side.Okay, actually you're all dark side. You will turn against your family and friends in an instant. But you do have some fabulous hair.
Minerva McGonagall
The woman. The legend. You are the ultimate teacher. You run a tight ship yet still manage to show compassion. A force to be reckoned with, you love to help others hone their crafts. You love being a team player yet don't mind taking the reins when necessary. No one takes Quidditch more seriously than you, and you understand the importance of crushing Slytherin at every opportunity.
Ginny Weasley
I just don't get you. I mean you're fine, nice enough, decent looking. You have no discernible personality and make every situation infinitely more awkward. But for some reason you capture the heart of the chosen one. Warning: with so many protective older brothers, I'm afraid a Miley rebellion could be in your future, please don't.
Molly Weasley
Your patronus is a lioness because you're constantly looking out for your family. You are friendly to everyone, but if someone tries to hurt the ones you love, they better watch out. You also understand the importance of stretching a galleon and know that hand-me-downs make the world go round.
Nymphadora Tonks
As a tomboy who goes by your last name, you spend your time keeping up with the boys. You understand that you can't always trust your family, so you surround yourself with friends. You were lucky enough to find true love and start a family, but you are always willing to risk your life for what you believe in. So what if your hair inspiration is Nicki Minaj?
*Happy September 11th everyone. Don't let today be filled with sadness but with pride to be a citizen of the greatest country in the world. Merica.
Wednesday, September 4, 2013
Disney's The Hunger Games
With a new school year comes new methods of procrastination. One of my personal favorites is staying up all night talking to my friends about topics that would seem dumb to anyone else (I mean, that's why we're friends, right?) Something my friends and I frequently discuss is, if for some reason there was a Hunger Games in Disney World, who would win? This topic has gotten me through many an exam week and my GPA would never have reached such abysmal lows without it.
Using the new rule that there can be 2 winners from the same district, I have analyzed the strengths and weaknesses of each team, but I will leave predicting who will actually win to you.
Jasmine and Aladdin
District 1: Luxury (cave of wonders)
Aladdin's street smarts will help this pair a little and the sultan will be an important sponsor, but these 2 have little else going for them. These newlyweds will be in for a whole new world of pain when they realize that they no longer have a genie or pet tiger to protect them. I bet Aladdin really regrets freeing Robin Williams now.
Mulan and Shang Li
District 2: Weapons (samurai swords and other offensive Asian cliches)
These 2 are pretty fierce. Actually, being a warrior is the only thing Mulan is good at. Mulan and Shang are career tributes with army training that gives them an edge. Mushoo will no longer be around to mess things up and they have ancestors watching over them. This could be the pair to beat.
Ariel and Prince Eric
District 4: Fishing (duh...unda da sea)
King Triton is a very powerful man who could be an important sponsor of this couple IF he forgives Ariel. Ariel will naturally have legs for the games, so Triton may have disowned her, who knows? But you can't discount Ariel's affinity for finding new uses for everyday objects, that skill could make her a threat.
Belle and Beast
District 5: Power (Belle-powerful mind, Beast-the strength of a wild animal, cause he is one)
Beast will be in human form for the games, which will definitely hurt this couple's chances. But Belle has read like every book ever written. I would liken her to Foxface, very sly and clever. She knows plenty, but being able to implement it and use it against the others could be a different story. I just don't see Belle being able to win a fight, she is French after all.
Cinderella and Prince Charming #1
District 6: Transportation (pumpkin carriage, remember?)
Unless Cinderella can clean the competition to death, these guys don't have a chance. Cinderella is helpless without her fairy godmother and now that she is living happily ever after, she is no longer entitled to supernatural help (it's in the fine print). And what can Charming 1 do? Maybe, just maybe, he can use his acute sense of foot size and shape to track the other tributes or animals, but who is going to do the killing? Bibbidi Bobbidi Losers.
Megara and Hercules
District 7: Lumber (because Olympus wasn't an option)
Hercules is obviously the Peeta of Disney, and his strength definitely gives this couple an edge. But all Meg knows how to do is be a damsel in distress, and Hercules having to pick up her slack could put them behind. The gods will likely choose not to get involved to avoid a family feud, what with King Triton being Poseidon's son and all. It really is a small world after all.
Sleeping Beauty and Prince Charming #2
District 8: Textiles (her fairy godmothers do all the sewing)
What advantage could Aurora have? She will have to compete with Snow for control of the woodland creatures, losing them could really hurt her. And if Aurora and Charming 2 can't secure a safe place to sleep it will be game over. At least this Charming has an element of bravery. After battling a dragon, Charming 2 will have the upper hand over his competition should any muttations appear.
Esmeralda and Quasimodo
District 10: Livestock (her only friend is a goat)
Quasimodo's only talent is parkouring on Gothic buildings, which I doubt will be in the arena. Esmerelda could always perform some street magic to elude the other tributes, but there will be no sanctuary available. Esmeralda, while totally Disney's Glimmer, is not as feisty or likely to succeed.
Pocahontas and John Smith
District 11: Agriculture (it should be obvious)
John would probably be the first to die if not for Pocahontas. Pocahontas would be really good at handling the elements and living off the land, but is it enough to just out survive everyone? Keep in mind that this pair could hide and then ambush others because Pocahontas can paint like Peeta. No word yet on whether an "all the colors of the wind" palette will be included in the cornucopia.
Snow White and Prince Charming #3
District 12: Mining (hi ho, hi ho)
Snow and Charming 3 are another couple that would seem less than likely to win (Yes, I'm on a first name basis with them). But an important thing to remember is that Snow has 7 super rich friends. The dwarfs are miners, they have lots of diamonds. This could make them very important sponsors. Also, Snow is used to watching her back. Her defense is gonna be pretty good, but with no offensive strategy this couple could be in trouble.
*You should know that while I am a superfan, I do not belong to Team Peeta or Team Gale. I am pretty much just Team Katniss. I mean, Jennifer Lawrence is hawt.
Using the new rule that there can be 2 winners from the same district, I have analyzed the strengths and weaknesses of each team, but I will leave predicting who will actually win to you.
Jasmine and Aladdin
District 1: Luxury (cave of wonders)
Aladdin's street smarts will help this pair a little and the sultan will be an important sponsor, but these 2 have little else going for them. These newlyweds will be in for a whole new world of pain when they realize that they no longer have a genie or pet tiger to protect them. I bet Aladdin really regrets freeing Robin Williams now.
Mulan and Shang Li
District 2: Weapons (samurai swords and other offensive Asian cliches)
These 2 are pretty fierce. Actually, being a warrior is the only thing Mulan is good at. Mulan and Shang are career tributes with army training that gives them an edge. Mushoo will no longer be around to mess things up and they have ancestors watching over them. This could be the pair to beat.
Ariel and Prince Eric
District 4: Fishing (duh...unda da sea)
King Triton is a very powerful man who could be an important sponsor of this couple IF he forgives Ariel. Ariel will naturally have legs for the games, so Triton may have disowned her, who knows? But you can't discount Ariel's affinity for finding new uses for everyday objects, that skill could make her a threat.
Belle and Beast
District 5: Power (Belle-powerful mind, Beast-the strength of a wild animal, cause he is one)
Beast will be in human form for the games, which will definitely hurt this couple's chances. But Belle has read like every book ever written. I would liken her to Foxface, very sly and clever. She knows plenty, but being able to implement it and use it against the others could be a different story. I just don't see Belle being able to win a fight, she is French after all.
Cinderella and Prince Charming #1
District 6: Transportation (pumpkin carriage, remember?)
Unless Cinderella can clean the competition to death, these guys don't have a chance. Cinderella is helpless without her fairy godmother and now that she is living happily ever after, she is no longer entitled to supernatural help (it's in the fine print). And what can Charming 1 do? Maybe, just maybe, he can use his acute sense of foot size and shape to track the other tributes or animals, but who is going to do the killing? Bibbidi Bobbidi Losers.
Megara and Hercules
District 7: Lumber (because Olympus wasn't an option)
Hercules is obviously the Peeta of Disney, and his strength definitely gives this couple an edge. But all Meg knows how to do is be a damsel in distress, and Hercules having to pick up her slack could put them behind. The gods will likely choose not to get involved to avoid a family feud, what with King Triton being Poseidon's son and all. It really is a small world after all.
Sleeping Beauty and Prince Charming #2
District 8: Textiles (her fairy godmothers do all the sewing)
What advantage could Aurora have? She will have to compete with Snow for control of the woodland creatures, losing them could really hurt her. And if Aurora and Charming 2 can't secure a safe place to sleep it will be game over. At least this Charming has an element of bravery. After battling a dragon, Charming 2 will have the upper hand over his competition should any muttations appear.
Esmeralda and Quasimodo
District 10: Livestock (her only friend is a goat)
Quasimodo's only talent is parkouring on Gothic buildings, which I doubt will be in the arena. Esmerelda could always perform some street magic to elude the other tributes, but there will be no sanctuary available. Esmeralda, while totally Disney's Glimmer, is not as feisty or likely to succeed.
Pocahontas and John Smith
District 11: Agriculture (it should be obvious)
John would probably be the first to die if not for Pocahontas. Pocahontas would be really good at handling the elements and living off the land, but is it enough to just out survive everyone? Keep in mind that this pair could hide and then ambush others because Pocahontas can paint like Peeta. No word yet on whether an "all the colors of the wind" palette will be included in the cornucopia.
Snow White and Prince Charming #3
District 12: Mining (hi ho, hi ho)
Snow and Charming 3 are another couple that would seem less than likely to win (Yes, I'm on a first name basis with them). But an important thing to remember is that Snow has 7 super rich friends. The dwarfs are miners, they have lots of diamonds. This could make them very important sponsors. Also, Snow is used to watching her back. Her defense is gonna be pretty good, but with no offensive strategy this couple could be in trouble.
*You should know that while I am a superfan, I do not belong to Team Peeta or Team Gale. I am pretty much just Team Katniss. I mean, Jennifer Lawrence is hawt.
Wednesday, August 28, 2013
Words That Need to Exist Like Now
I don't know about y'all, but I think conforming to traditional grammar rules is for losers and Yankees. Same difference, I know, but you get my point. I'm in journalism school so I am forced to use conventional grammar most of the time. And that is just a waste of creativity. Over time I have developed an extensive list of words that absolutely need to exist. I have also included an appropriate example of usage. I think that these words will make everyone's life better, or at the very least make people stop giving me weird stares when I call someone naca. Y'all are welcome.
*Y'all is not in this list because y'all should be aware that y'all is a word. Yousguys on the other hand, is not a word and I pray it never becomes one.
VietCongress
I mean really, I actually just thought this one up last week in class. It obviously doesn't apply to every Congress, just the ones that resemble/support the communist party. So basically all the democratically controlled Congresses. If anyone is offended by this, you are more than welcome to move to China.
"Did y'all hear that law the VietCongress is trying to pass on gun control? Commies."
Whoenall
I mean whoenall says this all the time? Cause I say it every weekend. It's the perfect term for asking about who is going to be at an event, in a class, at the gym, at a party, or whatever. It would take me much longer to say who and all, and I'm pretty sure that's not correct either so I'm cutting some consonants.
"Whoenall is gonna be there?"
Dramastic
I try really hard not to say this word because it just makes so much darn sense. When something is dramatic, it's drastic. And when something is drastic, it's dramatic. So for those really intense situations, you should be able to combine them to imply the increased overall OMG-ness of the situation.
"Miley Cyrus has changed so dramastically. I miss Hannah Montana."
Naca
Ok, so this is a word in Spanish slash Mexican slang, but I have been using it for years because it is just perfection. This is mainly due to the fact that the pronunciation of the word requires equal parts sass and disdain. Naca is like the Latino version of ratchet, but more applicable to everyday people. Like I wouldn't call this girl I'm sitting across from right now who is wearing see through leggings as pants and has a beanie on when it is over 90 degrees outside ratchet, but I would slash already called her naca.
"I don't get Lady Gaga, she looks so naca sometimes. She should change her name to Lady Naca!"
Showma
This term is derived from show and coma. It refers to when you have spent the majority of the day in bed watching an entire season/s of a show on Netflix and you just feel so proud slash disgusted with yourself. Showma is often followed by a Hangshowver.
"I would love to get up and unlock the door for you right now, but I'm in a serious Showma and I still have 2 episodes left. Go away."
De Ja Tune
Does anyone else ever experience this? You're listening to the radio and you think you recognize a song from like a decade ago and then you find out it is a new single? This happens to me frequently with Beyonce, Justin Timberlake and Katy Perry. It's a disorienting experience to say the least.
"Man I can't believe Take Back the Night is new! Must have been de ja tune."
Snarkastic
When a comment is both snarky and sarcastic. Frequently exemplified by females. Girls are almost always snarkastic around other girls they are intimidated by. So if a girl bumps into me, and she is wearing a really cute top, when she says sorry I am going to snarkastically say it's fine instead of the ultra-polite, you're fine I reserve for freshmen and foreign students.
"Ew, I just saw his new girlfriend. I was totes snarkastic to her."
Instacquaintance
When you are friends with someone on social media but not in real life. You don't dislike each other, you've just never spoken. So every time you see them in person you both do the awkward do I make eye contact, how do I talk to them without mentioning that I know their whole life thing. You have stalked them online at least once.
"I can't go talk to her, we're just instacquaintances. But I saw she did recently switch shampoo brands, and I wonder how that's going."
Delta Delta Diva
Anyone in a sorority or fraternity. Naturally, not someone you wanna be friends with.This applies to both males and females because the guys in fraternities can be divas and the girls in sororities definitely are. Can also refer to one who dresses/acts as if they are a part of Greek life. If a guy is wearing Vineyard Vines or a girl is wearing Jack Rogers, there needs to be a specific insult for them. I don't know what's taken the language world so long.
"Ughhh I sit beside a delta delta diva in that class. Kill me now."
Selfstagram
When a girl's instagram is 99% selfies, she has a selfstagram. Selfies every now and then are perfectly ok. Selfies everyday are not. A selfie to show off your new haircut is ok. A selfie to show off your new freckle is not. Girls with selfstagrams are almost always trying to get instafamous (have at least 100 likes on every picture, have over a thousand followers). Unfortunately, this often happens.
"I don't follow her, I don't like selfstagrams. I don't need to be reminded what her face looks like every 2 seconds."
*Y'all is not in this list because y'all should be aware that y'all is a word. Yousguys on the other hand, is not a word and I pray it never becomes one.
VietCongress
I mean really, I actually just thought this one up last week in class. It obviously doesn't apply to every Congress, just the ones that resemble/support the communist party. So basically all the democratically controlled Congresses. If anyone is offended by this, you are more than welcome to move to China.
"Did y'all hear that law the VietCongress is trying to pass on gun control? Commies."
Whoenall
I mean whoenall says this all the time? Cause I say it every weekend. It's the perfect term for asking about who is going to be at an event, in a class, at the gym, at a party, or whatever. It would take me much longer to say who and all, and I'm pretty sure that's not correct either so I'm cutting some consonants.
"Whoenall is gonna be there?"
Dramastic
I try really hard not to say this word because it just makes so much darn sense. When something is dramatic, it's drastic. And when something is drastic, it's dramatic. So for those really intense situations, you should be able to combine them to imply the increased overall OMG-ness of the situation.
"Miley Cyrus has changed so dramastically. I miss Hannah Montana."
Naca
Ok, so this is a word in Spanish slash Mexican slang, but I have been using it for years because it is just perfection. This is mainly due to the fact that the pronunciation of the word requires equal parts sass and disdain. Naca is like the Latino version of ratchet, but more applicable to everyday people. Like I wouldn't call this girl I'm sitting across from right now who is wearing see through leggings as pants and has a beanie on when it is over 90 degrees outside ratchet, but I would slash already called her naca.
"I don't get Lady Gaga, she looks so naca sometimes. She should change her name to Lady Naca!"
Showma
This term is derived from show and coma. It refers to when you have spent the majority of the day in bed watching an entire season/s of a show on Netflix and you just feel so proud slash disgusted with yourself. Showma is often followed by a Hangshowver.
"I would love to get up and unlock the door for you right now, but I'm in a serious Showma and I still have 2 episodes left. Go away."
De Ja Tune
Does anyone else ever experience this? You're listening to the radio and you think you recognize a song from like a decade ago and then you find out it is a new single? This happens to me frequently with Beyonce, Justin Timberlake and Katy Perry. It's a disorienting experience to say the least.
"Man I can't believe Take Back the Night is new! Must have been de ja tune."
Snarkastic
When a comment is both snarky and sarcastic. Frequently exemplified by females. Girls are almost always snarkastic around other girls they are intimidated by. So if a girl bumps into me, and she is wearing a really cute top, when she says sorry I am going to snarkastically say it's fine instead of the ultra-polite, you're fine I reserve for freshmen and foreign students.
"Ew, I just saw his new girlfriend. I was totes snarkastic to her."
Instacquaintance
When you are friends with someone on social media but not in real life. You don't dislike each other, you've just never spoken. So every time you see them in person you both do the awkward do I make eye contact, how do I talk to them without mentioning that I know their whole life thing. You have stalked them online at least once.
"I can't go talk to her, we're just instacquaintances. But I saw she did recently switch shampoo brands, and I wonder how that's going."
Delta Delta Diva
Anyone in a sorority or fraternity. Naturally, not someone you wanna be friends with.This applies to both males and females because the guys in fraternities can be divas and the girls in sororities definitely are. Can also refer to one who dresses/acts as if they are a part of Greek life. If a guy is wearing Vineyard Vines or a girl is wearing Jack Rogers, there needs to be a specific insult for them. I don't know what's taken the language world so long.
"Ughhh I sit beside a delta delta diva in that class. Kill me now."
Selfstagram
When a girl's instagram is 99% selfies, she has a selfstagram. Selfies every now and then are perfectly ok. Selfies everyday are not. A selfie to show off your new haircut is ok. A selfie to show off your new freckle is not. Girls with selfstagrams are almost always trying to get instafamous (have at least 100 likes on every picture, have over a thousand followers). Unfortunately, this often happens.
"I don't follow her, I don't like selfstagrams. I don't need to be reminded what her face looks like every 2 seconds."
Wednesday, August 21, 2013
Back to School Blues
For the past 5 days I have been living in a third world country. I don't mean that I have actually traveled outside of the best country in the world (as if), just that my new house does not have internet yet so it may as well be the slums of France or some other God-forsaken land.
If anyone wants to know why I do not yet have internet, I would be glad to tell you that story. Our internet guy came a few weeks ago, and was attacked by a swarm of yellow jackets living in our internet slash cable slash I don't understand technology box thingy. So he instructed us to email our landlords and have them get rid of the yellow jackets and then email him and he would come back. Sounds easy enough, right? Except for, oh yeah, how are we supposed to do all this emailing with NO INTERNET? We are on the first floor of this building too, so the 3G is non-existent. I have been living with no internet and no television for days.
It was not a liberating experience, it was not a life changing couple of days, it was not what dreams are made of. It sucked. But I have since dragged my butt to campus, gotten the computer guys to perform all those updates I ignore all summer long, and found internet! So let me begin my post for the first week of my junior year of college. Sigh.
The title of this post is a little misleading. I am not actually sad about being back at school. I have been dying to get back to campus since the beginning of July and I actually considered coming back in early May when I realized being home for the summer meant once again sharing a bathroom with my brothers. All the craziness of moving in and classes starting and oh yeah not having internet at my house is frustrating and stressful, but I am glad to be back. There are, however, two things I am not excited about. Classes. And people.
Let me just explain that I am a bit of a nerd. I am actually excited for my classes and interested in the subject matter (except for Advertising Copy and Communication, does anyone know what that even means?). But the actual act of physically walking/busing to class and sitting there for an hour and 15 minutes when I could be sitting at home in my pajamas eating cheese and watching Anastasia? No me gusta. And then there's the "required reading" which at this point in my college career is honestly just cute. It tickles me pink that professors think that they can write the word required in front of something and I will do it or buy it or read it. Not gonna happen people.
That brings me to my second point. People. As I'm typing this I am staring out the window of the library (partially because it freaks people out that I can type without looking at my keyboard and partially because I am looking at a huge line to get into the dining hall for lunch). Campus is just so crowded for like the first month, and the freshman still have on their lanyards from orientation and its all too darling, and by darling I mean this is terrible, I want to die. I don't understand why it takes weeks for the freshman to realize that they don't actually want to eat lunch in the dining hall every meal of every day for the rest of their lives. But it does.
And maybe this is just at my college, but at certain times of the day, literally everyone is in my way. In the middle of pretty much every day, everyone within a 5 mile radius of campus stands around the dining hall talking and laughing and annoying me.
PS - A note to the professor who told us to budget our printing money because we have to print off 30 page articles twice a week for your class...we are college students. We don't run around campus printing things off for poops and giggles. I only print what I absolutely have to and half the time I don't even do that. So can you not?
If anyone wants to know why I do not yet have internet, I would be glad to tell you that story. Our internet guy came a few weeks ago, and was attacked by a swarm of yellow jackets living in our internet slash cable slash I don't understand technology box thingy. So he instructed us to email our landlords and have them get rid of the yellow jackets and then email him and he would come back. Sounds easy enough, right? Except for, oh yeah, how are we supposed to do all this emailing with NO INTERNET? We are on the first floor of this building too, so the 3G is non-existent. I have been living with no internet and no television for days.
It was not a liberating experience, it was not a life changing couple of days, it was not what dreams are made of. It sucked. But I have since dragged my butt to campus, gotten the computer guys to perform all those updates I ignore all summer long, and found internet! So let me begin my post for the first week of my junior year of college. Sigh.
The title of this post is a little misleading. I am not actually sad about being back at school. I have been dying to get back to campus since the beginning of July and I actually considered coming back in early May when I realized being home for the summer meant once again sharing a bathroom with my brothers. All the craziness of moving in and classes starting and oh yeah not having internet at my house is frustrating and stressful, but I am glad to be back. There are, however, two things I am not excited about. Classes. And people.
Let me just explain that I am a bit of a nerd. I am actually excited for my classes and interested in the subject matter (except for Advertising Copy and Communication, does anyone know what that even means?). But the actual act of physically walking/busing to class and sitting there for an hour and 15 minutes when I could be sitting at home in my pajamas eating cheese and watching Anastasia? No me gusta. And then there's the "required reading" which at this point in my college career is honestly just cute. It tickles me pink that professors think that they can write the word required in front of something and I will do it or buy it or read it. Not gonna happen people.
That brings me to my second point. People. As I'm typing this I am staring out the window of the library (partially because it freaks people out that I can type without looking at my keyboard and partially because I am looking at a huge line to get into the dining hall for lunch). Campus is just so crowded for like the first month, and the freshman still have on their lanyards from orientation and its all too darling, and by darling I mean this is terrible, I want to die. I don't understand why it takes weeks for the freshman to realize that they don't actually want to eat lunch in the dining hall every meal of every day for the rest of their lives. But it does.
And maybe this is just at my college, but at certain times of the day, literally everyone is in my way. In the middle of pretty much every day, everyone within a 5 mile radius of campus stands around the dining hall talking and laughing and annoying me.
PS - A note to the professor who told us to budget our printing money because we have to print off 30 page articles twice a week for your class...we are college students. We don't run around campus printing things off for poops and giggles. I only print what I absolutely have to and half the time I don't even do that. So can you not?
Wednesday, August 14, 2013
Top Ten Soundtracks of All Time (2013 Edition)
If I'm in my car, in my bedroom, home alone, or home with 10 other people, at the zoo, in a restaurant, wherever, there is a 99% chance I am singing. And I don't mean humming and singing the words I know or mouthing the words like a lady. I mean I am screaming at the top of my lungs and dancing along.
Since I spend so much time singing, who better to give you a list of the best soundtracks? Without further ado, I give you (in no particular order)...my favorite soundtracks.
Grease
I grew up watching this movie at my great aunt's house and to this day I am still shocked when I hear that someone has never seen this gem. I could never pick my favorite Grease song because I would give them all a 23 gazillion on a scale of 1 to 10. If you are between the ages of 0 and 100 you pretty much need to know all the words to Grease Lightening. Grease is the word.
Les Mis
Let me begin by saying that I have not even had the pleasure of seeing this movie yet and I already have the soundtrack memorized. I read this book in high school and all I can tell you about the plot is France, but I can sing every line of One Day More. Just think about it, anything French that I don't loathe, must be pretty darn good.
One Tree Hill
I'm gonna go ahead and say that Peyton's taste in music is terrible. The Cure sucks. Sorry not sorry. But Haley had some great songs, the title track is practically the theme song of my generation, and Non Believer by La Rocca is pure happiness.
Wicked
Again, I have never been to New York nor have I had the pleasure of experiencing the fabulousness that is Idina Menzel in real life, but I know every word to Popular and Defying Gravity even though I can hit none of the notes. Kristin Chenoweth has more talent in her 4 feet than I do in my 3000 pounds.
The Little Mermaid
All little girls obviously love The Little Mermaid and I love Ariel just as much as the next girl, but Part of Your World and Kiss the Girl ain't got nothin on Under the Sea. How can you compete with a hot crustacean band? 20 bonus points to anyone who also loves Timeflies Tuesday's version of Under the Sea.
Pitch Perfect
This soundtrack is aca-awesome and the movie is aca-super fantastic. The Breakfast Club tie in, the mash-ups, the Skylar Astin. Swoon. In this case, the movie is actually just as good as the soundtrack. It's the new Mean Girls.
Tarzan
2 words. Phil. Collins. Phil Collins is a musical genius and hands down the world's best percussionist. His soundtracks always have a totally different, totally awesome sound. Who among us could not dance to Trashing the Camp for hours? Exactly.
Anastasia
I don't even know where to begin. It's all the best. Meg Ryan's voice is too perfect and you can't tell me that Dimitri wasn't based on Shane West. From A Rumor in St. Petersburg to At the Beginning as the credits are rolling, every song is worthy of royalty. Too bad in real life Anya is not Anastasia. Oh yeah, historical spoiler alert.
Degrassi
I know that this show is Canadian, but that's its only flaw. Not only has this show featured several bands and singers over the seasons, but the promo song for every new season automatically becomes my obsession for the next month. Steal Your Heart by Augustana in particular.
The Lorax
Another movie I have yet to see. We tried to show this movie at work and Netflix kept messing up, so we basically watched the first 5 minutes about 10 times. In that first 5 minutes is only the best song ever. I don't even know if there are any other songs in this movie, and I don't care because I can, and have, listened to Thneedville twice a day every day for a week.
Since I spend so much time singing, who better to give you a list of the best soundtracks? Without further ado, I give you (in no particular order)...my favorite soundtracks.
Grease
I grew up watching this movie at my great aunt's house and to this day I am still shocked when I hear that someone has never seen this gem. I could never pick my favorite Grease song because I would give them all a 23 gazillion on a scale of 1 to 10. If you are between the ages of 0 and 100 you pretty much need to know all the words to Grease Lightening. Grease is the word.
Les Mis
Let me begin by saying that I have not even had the pleasure of seeing this movie yet and I already have the soundtrack memorized. I read this book in high school and all I can tell you about the plot is France, but I can sing every line of One Day More. Just think about it, anything French that I don't loathe, must be pretty darn good.
One Tree Hill
I'm gonna go ahead and say that Peyton's taste in music is terrible. The Cure sucks. Sorry not sorry. But Haley had some great songs, the title track is practically the theme song of my generation, and Non Believer by La Rocca is pure happiness.
Wicked
Again, I have never been to New York nor have I had the pleasure of experiencing the fabulousness that is Idina Menzel in real life, but I know every word to Popular and Defying Gravity even though I can hit none of the notes. Kristin Chenoweth has more talent in her 4 feet than I do in my 3000 pounds.
The Little Mermaid
All little girls obviously love The Little Mermaid and I love Ariel just as much as the next girl, but Part of Your World and Kiss the Girl ain't got nothin on Under the Sea. How can you compete with a hot crustacean band? 20 bonus points to anyone who also loves Timeflies Tuesday's version of Under the Sea.
Pitch Perfect
This soundtrack is aca-awesome and the movie is aca-super fantastic. The Breakfast Club tie in, the mash-ups, the Skylar Astin. Swoon. In this case, the movie is actually just as good as the soundtrack. It's the new Mean Girls.
Tarzan
2 words. Phil. Collins. Phil Collins is a musical genius and hands down the world's best percussionist. His soundtracks always have a totally different, totally awesome sound. Who among us could not dance to Trashing the Camp for hours? Exactly.
Anastasia
I don't even know where to begin. It's all the best. Meg Ryan's voice is too perfect and you can't tell me that Dimitri wasn't based on Shane West. From A Rumor in St. Petersburg to At the Beginning as the credits are rolling, every song is worthy of royalty. Too bad in real life Anya is not Anastasia. Oh yeah, historical spoiler alert.
Degrassi
I know that this show is Canadian, but that's its only flaw. Not only has this show featured several bands and singers over the seasons, but the promo song for every new season automatically becomes my obsession for the next month. Steal Your Heart by Augustana in particular.
The Lorax
Another movie I have yet to see. We tried to show this movie at work and Netflix kept messing up, so we basically watched the first 5 minutes about 10 times. In that first 5 minutes is only the best song ever. I don't even know if there are any other songs in this movie, and I don't care because I can, and have, listened to Thneedville twice a day every day for a week.
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