Contrary to popular male opinion, make up is not black and white (or to be more realistic, nude and beige). My guy friends seem to think girls are either wearing make up or not wearing make up, but the reality is much more of a spectrum. Below I have outlined that spectrum and explained all the levels of female faces. From walking dead to Adam Lambert, this list explains every possible degree of makeup girls wear.
1) Just woke up from a long night lookin like a 12 year old run over by a lawn mower makeup
-This is the most severe face a female can have. After a long night and not a lot of sleep, we sometimes wake up looking like a hairless chihuahua. We're sorry.
2) Just woke up from a long night lookin like Kim Kardashian run over by a lawn mower makeup
-The difference between level 2 and level 1 is that in level 2, said female did not remove her makeup before going to bed. The result is bed head, matted mascara, smeared eyeshadow and streaky bronzer. Or basically Snooki.
3) No makeup makeup
-This is the first level at which a female will allow herself to be photographed or seen in public. No makeup makeup describes those days when you just wake up pretty. You obviously don't look your best, but for some reason you think you look pretty darn okay. WARNING: this is probably just a good lighting illusion that getting out of bed will ruin.
4) Face makeup only makeup
-Girls with bad skin will often wear only foundation and then talk about how they "don't need makeup". It's tres annoying and tres hypocritical.
5) Mascara only makeup
-For the bold. I use this often to make myself think I'm made up and looking good but at some point in the day I realize I look basically the exact same as I do with no makeup on.
6) Just took my makeup off makeup
-At this level, there is still a hint of eyeliner and your skin is glowing (this is due to the fact that all of your pores are smiling because they are happy they can breathe again). Your smile is beautiful because it just feels so good to take your makeup off. The downside is that this look inspires thousands of "no makeup!" selfies.
7) Beyonce natural makeup
-For those females who are practically perfect, a bit of powder and mascara with a cute lip color works just fine. If you are not actually Beyonce, this will not produce the desired effect on your face.
8) Olsen twin/wearing every eye makeup known to womankind makeup
-Also known as the "grunge" look. I don't recommend it. Girls often think the more eye makeup the better, but they end up looking like Taylor Momsen (in real life, not Gossip Girl).
9) I'm 11 and just discovered glitter makeup
-Think Ke$ha but with less restraint. This is the day to day look of many middle school cheerleaders. Glitter lip gloss, glitter eyeliner, glitter eyeshadow, glitter powder. It's like a snow globe convention on your face. Ew.
10) I hit puberty and want to distract from my zits with all this eyeshadow makeup
-All girls are insecure, so to hide bad skin, we often just use more eye makeup (beware of bad eyelash days). This look is so bad it's good. It's not too bad for the junior high years, it's almost expected. If you didn't use this in middle school, I don't trust you.
11) I'm in high school so I think I know what I'm doing makeup
-Every year of high school I said to myself "Yes! You've finally found your signature look!" and every year of high school I looked completely different from the previous year. Overall this is a fairly decent look, the one catch is that girls in high school almost always either look younger or older than they actually are. Think about it.
12) Everyday makeup
-The makeup that any given girl wears everyday that she needs to wear makeup. Often consists of at least face makeup and mascara. Overachievers shoot for eyeliner and eyeshadow. NOTE: this should be different from your special occasion makeup! You can't treat everyday like it's your wedding day!
13) I want to look pretty today makeup
-For those days when you need a little extra something to make yourself feel better. I find that blush or a cute eyeshadow normally does the trick. Never underestimate the magic of filling in your eyebrows.
14) I'm seeing my crush today makeup
-Very similar to level 13, but with more accurate precision and lip gloss that is constantly reapplied. You want your lips to look kissable and your eyelashes to look flirty. Once you take a cute pic of yourself winking, you know you're ready to face the day.
15) I'm being photographed today makeup
-There is a complex equation used to determine whether makeup is picture perfect or not. The short answer is as long as you spent over 7 minutes applying your makeup, it should be photo-ready. This is very similar to level 14 but with more intense precision.
16) Super special occasion makeup
-Used for proms, weddings, first dates, formals any day you might see a celebrity, etc...This is a combination of level 15 and level 17. It's more make up than you would normally wear but not so much that it looks cakey. You look good in both pictures and real life. More time goes into this look.
17) I keep going into rooms with different lighting so I keep putting on more makeup makeup
-This typically occurs when a girl is ready for a night out but still waiting on her friends. She nervously shuffles from room to room, finding more makeup to wear. The end result can be summed up in 2 words. Marilyn Manson. Once you are ready, just step away from the blush and no one will get hurt.
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