I hope everyone's holiday season is going well, and just to be clear when I say holiday I mean Christmas. Wanna know how my break has been? Basically one engagement after another. Back at school, everyone was single so I didn't realize how alone I am. But in my hometown it's nothing but other twenty-somethings planning weddings and doing other lame adult stuff (buying houses, getting real jobs, being financially secure, blah blah blah). If I had more actual friends I would feel just like Katherine Heigl in 27 Dresses, but let's face it I'm much more of an "always my only friend's plus one and never a bridesmaid" type (thanks Em!).
In an effort to make myself feel better, I immediately wrote a list of all the reasons it's fun being alone at Christmas. Ok, that's a lie I immediately ate a dozen oreo truffles but then I wrote my list.
Reasons it's Great Being Single During the Holidays
1) Hey, it's 1 less person to buy a gift for.
2) You don't have to take cheesy couple pictures by the tree.
3) You can eat all the Christmas goodies you make instead of sharing.
4) You can sing your favorite Christmas song on repeat instead of mixing in theirs.
5) You won't receive any "couple" gifts. (Edward and Bella salt and pepper shakers, just what we wanted! Barf.)
6) You don't have to ask yourself "Is this the proposal?" before every holiday event.
7) You don't have to share credit for all the awesome gifts you buy.
8) You can spend the whole month of December with YOUR friends and family, not theirs.
9) You don't have to worry about how cute-but-not-hot you look in your "allegedly tacky" Christmas sweater because you love it and IT LIGHTS UP.
10) You don't have to stick with the set of wrenches you picked in Dirty Santa because your guy wants them. You go for that bubble bath and slippers, girl!
If none of these reasons proved to you that one strong, independent partridge paying her own rent in that pear tree is better than 2 stinkin turtle doves, then you are more than welcome to join any of the following dating websites I am working on (patents pending).
DisneyLovers.Magic.com
Because you deserve someone who can and will sing every word to Colors of the Wind with you.
BaptistBlindDates.com
If you wanna be my lover, you gotta get with my church. (Baptists love the Spice Girls, you didn't know?)
GryffindorMeet.com
Connecting Rons to their Hermiones since the Sorcerer's Stone. Perfect for finding a date to the Yule Ball.
IfWe'reBeingHonestI'mReallyAHufflepuff.com
Most people are, and that's ok. I'm a Ravenclaw obviously, but Hufflepuffs need lovin too!
SquibsAnonymous.com
Anonymous since no one would actually admit to being a squib. Maybe if Filch had a special someone he would stop being so freakin weird.
PitbullFans.Dale.com
Because the 2 of them really belong together. Same for KristenStewartLovers.com and CarrotToppers.com.
GOPMingle.com
Because I live in a ridiculously liberal town and I know my Reagan in shining armor is out there somewhere.
TeemPeetaRulesGaleDrools.com
A moderate obsession with Josh Hutcherson is completely healthy. If a couple is on opposite sides of this bitter debate, they will never last.
Brad&Jen4Ever.90skids.com
Raise your hand if you felt personally victimized by their divorce. That's why this URL narrowly beat out MillennialsWhoDon'tStillLiveWithTheirParentsMeet.com.
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