#PostGradProbs

As every college student knows, from the moment you commit to an institution of higher learning, the questions about your plans for after graduation will not stop until you finally look old enough for the general public to assume that you are no longer a college student. These questions suck. A lot. Like dude, I don't even know what I'm going to have for brunch tomorrow, you think I can tell you in 30 seconds or less what my life goals are? And more importantly, they don't really care. 98 times out of 107 they are just making small talk, not really listening, they will ask you the same exact questions next Easter. So I've taken it upon myself to compile a list of very appropriate and very sarcastic answers you should recite the next time your mom's great aunt, twice removed, once incarcerated, asks about your future. You're welcome.

"What are you doing after graduation?" Responses:

Finally announcing my engagement to my Econ professor! The wedding will be in 9 months or less!

Mainly just catching up on Game of Thrones.

I'm moving to Arizona to work for a company that sells ocean liners.

I've been keeping an eye on Craigslist for open trophy wife positions, if you hear anything let me know.

I'll probably just go back to my high school job at Sonic, the skates still fit.

Probably going to the beach for like a week. You?
 
Moving to India to waitress until I get my big break in the Bollywood movie industry.

I ask my Magic 8 Ball every day and keep getting try again later, but I'll keep you posted.

Moving back in with my parents and negotiating my allowance until I can find a freelance nursing job. 

Crack. Lots and lots of crack.

I'm seriously considering the master's program at (insert biggest party school/fake school name).

I got a job as a lifeguard in Alaska that I'm really excited about!

I've been looking into selling nonessential organs to pay off my student loans. Do you know anyone in need of a kidney? I have one left and it's up for grabs.

If you feel guilty about lying to the unsuspecting public, feel free to add this line to the end of whichever answer you choose:

"Kidding! I'm getting a job. Idiot."