Promposals. How About No.

This week's post is about a disturbing trend that is sweeping teenage girls across the nation faster than Starbucks samples disappear at a white girl convention. Promposals. They're like proposals only stupid.

I'm sure this late in "prom season" *rolls eyes* you have already seen way too many promposals. There are some simple promposals that are actually very adorable, but once over a dozen people are involved in making it happen, you're way out of scale.

You know what's a good way to ask someone to prom?
Picture it, it's my junior year and I'm walking back to chemistry after lunch, when I turn to my friend and ask:

"Who are you going to prom with?"
"You."
"Ok."

But these days girls expect sky writing or the word prom plowed in a corn field or whatever other "creative and original" ways guys are asking girls to prom that cost a minimum of $40 and it's ridiculous.

See there are 2 different types of promposals. Either you are asking your girlfriend to go to prom with you or you are asking a girl you like to go with you. A big gesture does not work for either of these. If you are dating the girl you are asking to prom, why do you have to make a big deal about it? Isn't it assumed that you are going together? And if you aren't dating the girl you ask, it's weird to put so much effort into asking her. The promposal is like the Hail Mary of trying to escape the friendzone.  And what if she wants to say no? She totally can't. There is no escape route!

The more elaborate/public your promposal the more impossible it is for the recipient of said promposal to politely decline lest she crush your spirits forever and I think that while typing this sentence I've just realized why they are so popular all of a sudden, maybe boys really are smarter than us? They are capitalizing on the fundamental difference between the genders, the fact that girls actually don't like making people feel bad about themselves, unlike jerks. I mean guys.

But above all, let us consider the future spouses of everyone involved in these emotionally scarring promposals. Think of the poor future husband of whatever girl gets an elaborate promposal. This poor guy is going to rent a hot air balloon and when he gets down on one knee, the girl will be thinking the whole time "when I was 16 I got asked to prom by a flash mob at Disney World." And guys, think of your future wives! You think a candlelit dinner at your favorite restaurant and a Tiffany & Co. ring is going to cut it when she heard from your mother that you hand designed a series of ring pops and lip-synched all the words to a One Direction song to ask your high school girlfriend to a dance? I think that just goes to show that there are no winners here people! So stop trying to make promposals happen.

Now I should probably mention that all above sassiness is partially due to the fact that I am not exactly a prom person. I sincerely hope that my wedding dress costs less than $300 so I find the prices of prom dresses these days more than absurd. And the tanning. I don't get why tan lines or pastiness in photos of a high school dance versus skin cancer is a debate.  My motto for my senior prom was "it's 12 o'clock somewhere can I go home?" If I could repeat my proms, well I wouldn't. But if I was forced at gunpoint to repeat my proms, I would wear black dresses to match my soul. So by all means, don't let me rain on your prom night.