The idea for today's post came to me when a colleague of mine came up with a hard-hitting question that must be asked of the Obama administration. Wait for it...what is the plural form of the word "prius"?
I honestly don't know how Toyota workers wake up everyday and go to work without an official answer to this crucial question. I mean are they selling pruises or prii, who even knows? I'll tell you this, I always knew how to pronounce the plural form of cars when Bush was president. Fords. Chryslers. But Obama brings in these foreign companies and things get complicated. Maybe pronouncing words like "camry" "tundra" and "matrix" comes naturally to the native speakers of Japan but not to true Americans.
Caroline's inquiry inspired me to compose a formal list out of the running queue of questions I have for this alleged Barack Hussein Obama and his entire White House. THE AMERICAN PUBLIC HAS A NEED, NAY, A RIGHT, TO KNOW THESE THINGS MR. PRESIDENT! WE DEMAND ANSWERS!
First question - Are you aware of the decrease in socially acceptable behavior from and significant overall sharp decline of the starlets who were nothing if not proper young ladies under former President Bush? (See: Miley Cyrus, Amanda Bynes, Taylor Momsen, et cetera and et cetera.) What do you have to say for yourself?
Second question - Classic television series such as ER, Friday Night Lights, Jon & Kate Plus 8 and Hannah Montana were all cancelled since you took office. The American public deserves an explanation. Now I will concede that the unraveling of Jon & Kate Plus 8 was beyond your control. Jon pretty much shot that horse in the face himself. And to be fair, The Oprah Winfrey Show also ended during your reign, which certainly helps my opinion of you. But what characters are replacing the wrongly terminated hits? Honey Boo Boo. New Kardashians are being born every day to populate the soon to be K! Network. While the unemployed Hannah Montana was forced to strip to make ends meet. Don't the American people deserve more from the man they trusted?
Third question - In the first 365 days following your election, iTunes raised song prices from the user-friendly and totally acceptable $0.99 to an unheard of and utterly preposterous $1.29. It is estimated that 1 in every 5 American teenagers still have trust issues from the sudden price hike. What would you say to the all the youth whose lives you, for lack of a better word, destroyed?
Fourth question - During your presidency, former NBA star Dennis Rodman has traveled back and forth to North Korea numerous times. My question is, through what egregious breach of U.S. security was he allowed back into our country?
Fifth question - Remember that time you let Hostess shut down? Cause I sure do. And I won't soon forget.
Sixth and final question - In March 2014 it appeared that Leonardo DiCaprio would finally get his long awaited Oscar. After being slighted countless times in the past, he was set to finally receive the Best Actor Academy Award he so richly deserves when Matthew McConaughey stole the prize for most amazing weight loss, I mean performance. Now I have seen neither film but I still consider myself more qualified to comment on this travesty than any other current members of Obama's fan club, also known as the national press. The way I see it, DiCaprio was nominated for portraying a highly successful stockbroker, basically someone who captured "the American Dream". McConaughey won for playing an AIDS patient. What are you telling children to aspire to Mr. President?
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