A word to the wise, and also to my fellow white girls, when you are anywhere even partially public there is a 100% chance that no one wants to hear your conversations (unless of course you are me and Taylor, we are hilarious and tour Chapel Hill via public transport incidentally bringing joy and laughter to everyone we happen to meet). This post was inspired by my recent adventures at the lake. I am going to take you through the transformation of my own self-image that occurred thanks to experiencing what we were really like when I witnessed a group of middle or high schoolers at the lake today. My sincere apologies and a heartfelt thank you to everyone who did not throw things at our stupid faces.
The Events of Our First Trip to the Lake As I Perceived Them Last Week
Arrive at lake.
Neatly and quietly lay down our blanket and set our stuff down.
Continue to respectfully and quietly soak in the sun, minding our own business.
Read our Bibles.
Keep chatter to a minimum volume.
Smile politely at everyone who makes eye contact as if to say "thank you for being here, isn't today pleasant?"
Transition to the water and gracefully swim out to the floating pipes that form the boating/swimming boundary.
Do not squeal or shriek at the water temperature.
Sit on floating pipes like ladies, being mindful and respectful of other lake-goers on the pipes.
Stay put until coming back to the beach to lay out again.
Repeat, drawing no attention.
Leave lake as quietly as we came.
Add a dash of hindsight, mix well. Let simmer.
The Events of Our First Trip to the Lake As I Perceive Them Now
Arrive at lake in most annoying way possible.
Be completely obnoxious as we carry our things to the beach area.
Get sand everywhere when trying to lay down our blanket.
Subsequently gather blanket up and rearrange it. Loudly.
Talk about completely stupid things VERY LOUDLY.
Snarl and sneer at everyone fixed in our gazes with a look of utter disdain.
Talk about everyone around us at a volume that is perfectly audible to them.
Take to the water like newborn giraffes, splashing everyone within a 10 foot radius and yelling that the water is too cold.
Continue to walk to the pipes while arm flapping and repeating "I can't"s because against all odds, the mid-May lake water isn't a balmy 85 degrees.
Make it to the pipes approximately 13 months later and spend the whole time bouncing up and down, trying to jostle each other off and employing other means of horseplay.
All the while continuing to talk loudly about anything and everything, topics that no sane person would actually care to overhear a conversation on. (Ex: hairlines, nail beds, people we know from preschool, what colors work well with our natural eyelash hue, if butter is a carb or not...etc.)
Get out of the water with even more noise and utter disruption than when we got in, even though no one thought it possible.
Continue to talk loudly and disturb everyone around us until our annoying cackles are no longer ringing in their ears.
Sorry we suck.
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