The BeyMAs

For those of you living under a stupid rock, the Beyonce concert formerly known as the VMAs was KILLER Sunday night. As I gazed, speechless and reverential in complete awe of her, I began to question why that night, and every other night for that matter, is not entirely about Beyonce. It seems only fair. She lets us all live in her world, asking for nothing in return as she showers us with her flawlessness. So I'm proposing a new awards show. An awards show that honors Beyonce and Beyonce alone because Queen Bey should never have to share the stage, right Kanye?

Ladies and gentlemen. I give you.

The BeyMAs.

The Woke Up Like Dis Award
Awarded to the best photo of Beyonce sans make up because we all know that she is still just as beautiful without the foundation and mascara so desperately needed by the rest of us.

The Your Dynasty Ain't Complete Without A Chief Like Who? Award
This is a kicky live video feed award where a comedian of Beyonce's choosing will roam the streets of L.A. asking passersby to answer this lyric question from Upgrade U. Everyone who answers correctly (Beyonce, duh) will get a single strand of Beyonce's hair, the strongest substance known to man (besides Beyonce's stank face). Everyone who answers incorrectly will be slapped.

The Flawless Award
Given to Beyonce for being 100% flawless 100% of the time. That is all.

The Schoolin Life Award
Each year a different university will be allowed to present Beyonce with a degree. Note: this is not an honorary degree or a made-up degree. Beyonce already has PhDs in swag, flawlessness, and life of course.
 
The Irreplaceable Award
Given to the best outfit that had the good fortune to touch Bey's body that year. This award serves to remind Beyonce that she has come so far from the days of Destiny's Child and she will never be forced to wear another orange suede poncho or black leather ballgown at the hands of Tina Knowles again.

The Diva Award
Awarded to Beyonce for a moment where she could have been a complete female hustler/tyrant but instead chose to lavish upon us her unrelenting grace and mercy. The front runners for this award will be any other awards shows where Beyonce did not win an award, no matter what the category. Even if you don't consider Queen Bey's music to be "Best Rock Album material" she should still win that award as an offering. Recognize.

The Upgrade U Award
Given to Beyonce from Jay-Z as his thank you to her for marrying him, giving him life and upgrading him beyond his wildest dreams.

The Middle Award
Presented to Beyonce by Kelly Rowland and Michelle Williams, honoring her for standing in the middle anytime that Destiny's Child did anything ever.

The We Be All Night Award
Awarded to the best photo of Beyonce taken after 12:00 AM and before 6:00 AM because the Queen always looks perfect, sleep only serves to further enhance her perfection. We do be all night. We really do.

And the final award of the evening...

The So Not Bey Award
This is not so much an award as it is a punishment. At the end of the BeyMAs, the screens will broadcast moments where celebrities were so not bey. Said celebs will then be escorted off the planet.