Today marked the beginning of my last Fall Break. Ever. It's a little emotional for me but I want you all to know that I am really living it up for senior year Fall Break. And by living it up I of course mean ballin on a budget. I spent tonight gettin turnt with my roommate's family in the suburbs. I don't really have the authority to label any place as the suburbs on account of I don't think I've ever actually been in the suburbs, but they have a homeowner's association so it's a neighborhood at the very least.
In any event, my actions today were nothing short of utter white girl tomfoolery, so I decided it was my duty to report back on what was a new white girl frontier for me.
When we first arrived at my roommate's aunt's house, there were two soccer moms walking their dogs down the sidewalk outside and an unfinished house across the street that I mistook for a barn (I obviously don't get out much). Naturally, the dogs both looked like they had a good 30 pounds on their owners and one bore a closer resemblance to a polar bear than a dog but I'm sure they have leash laws or something bougie like that to keep them in check.
Our dinners were actually plated, there were sauteed vegetables, green bean casserole, stuffed mushrooms, pork chops with gravy and garlic bread. It was a dining experience. Dessert was a perfectly planned sundae dish with caramel and cookies that complimented the ice cream. Used to the ramen I make at school, I thought to myself "so this is how the other half lives" meaning of course those people out there who actually plan meals instead of microwaving a lean pocket whenever hunger strikes.
Post dinner activities included a joint effort at math homework, three liberal arts majors attempting fourth grade math, it was an ordeal. Next we all had to catch up on social media of course. My roommate's mother, God bless her, is looking at her phone and says "how many pictures can you take of yourself?" This naturally caught my attention as I'm working towards a degree in white girl studies and I get extra credit for every real world situation in which I expand the dialogue on selfie statistics. I literally just wrote about the evil that is selfie shaming last week, but this girl defied the laws on all that is good and holy when it comes to posting selfies. Instagram must not have a jail like Twitter. Shame. As my roommate's mother proceeded to show me this account of nonstop selfies, I suggested that she unfollow her. After contemplating that she agreed, saying "yeah, she is pretty much dead to me". So let it be known, she ain't no follow back girl.
What would a night on the neighborhood be without some apres dinner shopping? We had made strict plans to avoid the trap that is my all time favorite accessories store, but my roommate announced that she needed to go to Ulta because she "ran out of eyebrows". Bless her heart, she's a blonde and needed to purchase a new eyebrow pencil if she wanted to have eyebrows again. So we did what we do best and shopped. I bought what is quite possibly the most basic dress that has ever existed and more statement jewelry than a white girl could ever need.
For the drive home we played our favorite folksy/indie/bluegrass band and it was everything a white girl has ever wanted in a Fall Break. Minus the pumpkins. There were no pumpkins.
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