Bring a Bachelor to Church Day

I have always recognized church as a great place to meet guys. Even though I am directly related to half of the males at my home church, you gotta have faith, even in the guys you can't see (like God and someone willing to marry me). My parents met in church. Almost 30 years later, my dad still falls asleep on the floor around 9 every night and my mom still leaves every single ingredient out after she cooks, but they're still together, so obviously something went right.

Looking for a future mate at church is like genius, it's like when you skim through a legal document before signing it. If you meet a guy at church you don't have to pay as much attention when you're getting to know him because what's the worst that could happen? It's like if the main quality you were looking for in a potential partner were tattoos and you made it a habit to hang out in tattoo parlors to find your dream guy. When you know what you want, you can skip a few steps.

So in the spirit of Christmas, I am proposing a new holiday. Bring a Bachelor to Church Day! It has a double meaning considering I am looking for a male who is A) single and B) in possession of a college degree. Celebrate the season of giving by bringing an eligible bachelor to church. It can be any male between the ages of 21 and 30 with no criminal record, no history of voting democrat and no use for the Oxford comma. Really, I'm not picky.

Now people have tried to set me up in the past but I am convinced that a "completely random" sanctuary encounter is the way to go. First of all, the gentlemen will have easy access to dozens of sparkling reviews of my personality. If I met a guy at say, a concert, or a party with my friends, their commentary on my character would be more of a mixed (and likely slurred, depending on the concert/party) bag. At my church, everyone either loves me or feels obliged to say only nice things about me because what would Jesus do? Marriage is all about compromise. I am 100% unwilling to attend any church other than my own. So not to alarm anyone but meeting my spouse at my church is kind of my only hope.

Additionally, meeting someone at church would allow them to meet my large family in a neutral setting where they are slightly less likely to be ganged up on, made fun of, victimized, or tripped. But only slightly. Church is like a safe zone where my dad can't call everyone he knows for letters of recommendation and my uncles can't rule him out based on his favorite football team. My family will save all that for later if their first interaction is in the house of God.

The worst thing about Christmas season is December 26th, or as I affectionately call it, the saddest day of the year. The best part about Bring a Bachelor to Church Day is that it's the holiday that keeps on giving...to me. Until there is a ring on this finger, it never has to end! It's not even exclusive to Sunday mornings. Bring a Bachelor to Prayer Meeting. Bring a Bachelor to Vacation Bible School. Bring a Bachelor to Easter Sunday. In the advertising world, we call this an idea with legs.

I get your mass texts, I watch your snapchat stories (okay not really but they've really gotten out of hand in the past few months) and I see your Facebook posts. So I know several of my friends celebrate all sorts of made up holidays like Valentine's Day, St. Patrick's Day and Groundhog Day. Seriously, they're just woodchucks people, open your eyes. So I assume you will have no trouble participating in my very own made up holiday. See you Sunday.