The 5 Stages of Finals

1. Denial
Right after you leave an exam or turn in a paper.
As soon as you turn a final in, you might be thinking "hey that wasn't so bad". You'd be wrong. At first you tell yourself "Well I know I have 5 points for writing my name and the date. Crap, what day is it?" and you start calculating all the questions you're positive you got right, which takes all of 3 seconds because let's face it, you made up most of the answers. The more you think about it, the more you realize that you are likely looking at a career in pizza delivery.

2. Anger
When you realize this is all your professor's fault.
At this point you've already turned in the course evaluation. Back in mid-November when you were still young and naive you loved your chill, hipster professor and the fact that he didn't care if you were on the internet or texting in class. But as soon as the course is over you realize you never really learned anything other than which celebrities got new tattoos this month (thanks Buzzfeed!).

3. Bargaining
You start to promise the higher education powers that you will really study next semester if your GPA survives this one.
You calculate how your GPA can make a comeback. You think that if you can somehow just manage a C+ in this class, you will find a super easy class to take later to make up for it. As long as you get the credit, you will do anything. Then you pray because you know Jesus can raise people from the dead, so how hard could a GPA be?

4. Depression*
After you recognize that any optimism was misplaced.
You get realistic about how well you didn't do on that exam. You realize that no matter how you spin it, the 3 pages of size 18 font you submitted for what was supposed to be a 5 page paper probably won't warrant an A. And that exam you needed a 150 on to get a B in the class? Not happening.
* I feel like it is important to make the point here that depression is a serious mental disorder and not an adjective. So when you fail an exam, you're not really depressed. When you change your mind about what you want to do tonight, you're not bipolar. Just annoying. Carry on.

5. Acceptance
YOLO.
When you realize you're a strong, independent black woman who don't need no GPA. If there's any number that defines you it's the number of carats in your future engagement ring. Or the number of times you've been to Taco Bell this week. Certainly not a GPA. At the end of this 4 years, you will still have a degree (maybe). And that's all that matters.

For those smart cookies, psychology majors and fellow NC State fans who recognized these as the 5 stages of grief, 10 points for Hufflepuff!(just being honest). I have added a 6th stage for finals...

6. Self-Defeating Reward
When you tell yourself (lie to yourself) that you can relax.
After writing a paper or taking a test you tell yourself that you have earned a break. You deserve some time off from constant studying. So you decide to just watch one show. 7 hours later you can't stop researching American Horror Story fan theories on the internet. At least you're researching something?


To get through the rest of finals, I leave you with an inspirational quote. Someone very wise once said "The older I get, the more I realize that the area of my life where I really need to splurge is therapy." That someone was me. You're welcome.