Basic Math

Today's post is about all of the math that us basic white girls need to be able to do on a daily basis. I decided to write a post about this because my good friend Brendan pointed out that most women are incapable of simple math, so I figured it was important that I share some basic calculations that you all might need to know in case you find yourself without a man to help you run the numbers. (Okay I did this for me because I have no guy to help me ever.) (Also Brendan was kidding I'm way more sexist than he will ever be.)

So here is basic math. Emphasis on BASIC.

The Numbers that Matter...
pH: Know Your Spot
What's important here isn't your actual pH value but knowing where you fall on the spectrum. If you're a basic 14, you own that 14 and you be as basic as you want, build your brand. If you're a super acidic 1, buy more black and use more sarcastic hashtags. If you're neutral at 7 enjoy the best of both worlds. Curl up on the couch in Victoria's Secrets sweats and watch the latest Indie film.

Should You Buy Those Shoes?
So I have a problem with buying shoes that I never actually wear and I know that my friends and I often struggle with how much of a sale is a good enough sale to justify buying yet another pair of shoes. Not only do we lack the funds for new shoes, but we also lack the closet space. So I've come up with a simple rule to decide whether or not to buy sale shoes. If the sale price is over 50% off you buy the shoes. If the sale price is under 50% off you still buy the shoes. Life's too short.

Group Dynamics 
When you are trying to take a group picture it is important that you understand how many people you can have before you need 2 rows. Once you have more than 6 people, you need to have a back row and a front row of girls sorority squatting. If you have more than 13 people, you have to add a 3rd row. Also it's important to have an odd number at all times because we can't even.

And the Numbers that Don't...
Followers: Following Ratio
Some of you might be thinking "how many people can I follow and still be cool?" or "how many followers do I need to be cool?" and luckily for you I have the answer. Some say that you have to have more followers than you are following, others say you need over a thousand followers. I would like to say that HAVING FOLLOWERS DOESN'T MAKE YOU COOL. Being cool makes you cool. Like Winona Ryder manic pixie dream girl cool.(Before shoplifting. Stealing isn't cool.)
Also page views make you cool so share this blog with your friends.

Likes: Minutes Ratio
Perhaps it's an urban legend but I have heard of people who will delete a post if it doesn't get enough likes. So everyone who recognizes me as a verified social media expert (my brother) will ask me how many likes a post needs relative to how long it's been up. If a picture has more likes than minutes it has been posted I would say you have too much power. Too much clout/klout on social media is a dangerous thing. One day you could be struggling to get 11 likes on a bridal portrait but if you know the right people and use the right hashtags, next thing you know you could be hitting 100 likes on a picture of your big toe. I think with likes go for quality over quantity. I would rather have one guy that I'm into like my selfie than 10 guys I don't know. Because we all know that liking selfies is a modern mating call.

In conclusion, I'm not perfect, I care way more about this stuff than I should. There are dogs on Instagram with more followers than me, that doesn't feel good. But at the end of the day only one of us has access to indoor plumbing. So the lesson of the day is that there are two mistakes you can make in life. One is thinking you're special. The other is thinking you aren't. The amount of followers or likes you have does not define you. You should always be more focused on living your life than sharing it.