Random Things & Daydreams

This entire post is literally just random thoughts that I have. So many people have asked me "how did you think of that?" and I always tell them you don't want to tug at that thread, but here we are.


She's the Man
Regarding the soccer coach who won't let the girls join his team: go see your kids Zack and Cody once in a while and then you won't have time to be so sexist.

Trail Mix
I love trail mix but all the obstacles like raisins are really starting to be an issue. That's why I have honed my culinary skills to perfect a recipe for the only trail mix you will ever need. Simply gather 1 cup plain M&Ms, 1 cup peanut M&Ms, 1 cup peanut butter M&Ms, 1 cup pretzel M&Ms, 1 cup crispy M&Ms and mix! Feel free to make it your own, add peanut butter chips, fun size candy bars, whatever, just no raisins. Enjoy!

Millennial Problems
Sometimes I think of everything in terms of my iPhone because I'm a technology obsessed millennial. So...when I get home from Walmart "groceries are charged" and when I put away all of my clothes "laundry is charged" and it's ridiculous. So many people think I drive a smart car because when I get gas I'll say that my car is charged. I probably have an unhealthy relationship with my phone but it's the most important relationship in my life, mainly because it's the only relationship in my life.

Ben & Jerry's
When Ben and Jerry's invites me to make my own flavor, I really don't think I will let them put ice cream in there. I think it would just be 3 different flavors of cookie dough coated in brownie batter. Maybe some caramel swirls or some rainbow sprinkles but honestly the ice cream is my least favorite part of Ben & Jerry's.

The magazine in 13 Going on 30
You know how at the end of the movie Jenna suggests some sort of magazine where you can see your best friend's older sister and your cousin's boyfriend and everyone loves it? Well that is maybe the worst idea ever. Isn't that what yearbooks are for? I have social media for seeing how fabulous the people I grew up with are, I don't need it in my magazines too. Trashy celeb gossip magazines are supposed to make me feel good about my life by seeing who's in rehab and who's going through their fourth divorce. I don't need a magazine full of my former classmates getting raises and going on cruises.

Flowers
Flowers are just so stupid. I hate flowers, what purpose do they serve? They're not practical at all. But I also hate those girls who are all "don't get me flowers because that kills them and then they're dead and I'm sad, don't kill for me" you know those girls who will wear the flower corpses in their hair and wear all white but pretend they don't expect a bouquet of roses every holiday. "But you didn't get me a dozen red roses for Arbor Day?" girl, you know. I think the fact that they're dead is really the only cool thing about flowers.
The real dilemma here is wedding planning. Because in an alternate universe I will get married and I don't like flowers. But there are no reasonable substitutes for flowers at a wedding. I've been brainstorming things I love in the time that I probably should have spent trying to make myself dateable, and I don't get very far.
I can't carry a bouquet of baguettes. I can't have centerpieces made of Arby's coupons. I can't have the flower girl toss sprinkles down the aisle. Actually, no that could work. Remember that.

Dating Websites
Shouldn't they be bragging about how few members they have and instead of saying "first month free" sell memberships by the day? I mean that's what millennials want. Instant results. No twenty something is joining a dating website with the mentality of "I could spend years on here!". What we're thinking is "I better find my soulmate before anyone I knows sees me. We will both have joined this site as a joke and we'll lie and tell everyone we met somewhere less embarrassing like prison or AA."
And why has no one launched a dating app called The Boy Store or BoysRUs?
Also, do you ever just see a profile picture on a dating site and think "you look WAY too happy to be here."?

Fasting
Why are they called fasts? Just change the name to slows and be upfront about it.

Kids Television
Disney Jr. and Nick Jr. and ESPN Jr. and whatever are all full of shows trying to teach kids who can't bathe themselves how to do algebra and it's just ridiculous. We don't need smarter kids, we need better kids. Instead of Baby Mozart and Little Magellan we need shows that teach moral lessons like "don't lie to your parents" and "always tell the truth" and "NEVER talk back to your teacher". I'm talking Arthur re-runs. The good, old ones not that new, re-imaged crap.

Late Night Snacks 
Not once have I gone to bed thinking "wow I feel the exact right amount of satisfied because I ate a reasonable amount of food today". I either become too tired to finish my dinner or I stuff my face from the minute I get home until I roll into my room. You'd think I would work on that. And you'd be wrong.